but what of Mitch Albom??

Clippers offices, 1982:

It's funny if you listen to it in a certain way, like with the speakers on 'mute'

soon to be the official uniform of a group of rebel fighters in a war-torn African country near you!

And don't forget: he bought the Clippers for $2 billion. It sounds like he learned his purchasing skills from Bart, Milhouse, and Martin....

My opinion was that there were 3 positions in sports that could all vie for "Hardest Position" status—pitcher, quarterback, and hockey goalie. I've revised that over time and given the title to goalie. They have to stop an object smaller than a baseball, travelling as fast as a baseball, on ice skates, while being…

The more the other team wants to win, the harder the Kings will play.

Not pictured: the young, plasticy female he brought so she could look at all the 'churchiful black bodies'

"I don't see what your problem is with that Westbrook kid..."—J. Starks

MacFarlane is the type of guy who wants to get attention by saying shocking things that other people only think. Only problem is that he very careful gauges his audience, works hard to script what he's going to say ahead of time, edits it, tries to anticipate the reaction it's going to get, and when he finally says…

"Shit, that dude looks OLD!"—G. Oden

I'm in my mid 40s, Garrett, which means I'm old enough to not only remember playing the old 2600, I'm dumb enough to buy the 'retro collection!' games (which are fun for, oh, about 7 minutes). I still play a few games, and while I'm not terrible, I'm also nowhere near that skilled, so the online experience for me is…

Damn...I've seen less pornographic letters in any given issue of "Penthouse Letters"

Rovell's just living up to his brand, is all—Unoriginal Hack

"Jesus, dude! Hit a weight bench or something..."—Carson Kressley

Scene: hidden bunker beneath Busch Stadium, a group of men seated around conference table

"When I got to second base, I didn't know what to do"—me, age 15

"Mr. Wong, I've about had enough of this, and I'm going to have to ask you to stop. You've been in here complaining about your eyes after you've cried, been in the ocean, sliced onions, and now this. Your eyes are perfectly fine!"—local Opthamologist

Hockey players seem to be the easiest athletes for the common fan to relate to; not sure why that is.

As a Pirates fan, all I can say is that I'm glad we have him. Otherwise, we'd be the MLB version of the fucking Washington Generals.