"Ya know, Stoney, I'll bet that's not the first time she's grabbed some wood!"—K. Harrelson

The Russians were motivated by their fear of being sent to a (dramatic tone) Penal Battalion had they lost......

(DA's office):

I've often heard about Redford that he never really 'acts', or 'acted', as it were. It's weird how the same can basically be said about Sandler, except with markedly different results.

"Shit! And I thought I had it bad, when I played for Chuck's team!"—P. Patty

Fisher's role as a 'coach on the floor' had some value once, but just like when guys like Rose and Frank Robinson did it in baseball, when they're actually playing in the game, it's a position that offers the team practically no return. It's time for him to just hang it up and go work for the league, which he'll be…

then in that case, I humbly request that everybody just take a few moments during the upcoming Memorial Day to thank them for what they did, for the sacrifice they made....

Cowherd's like that older dude who buys you the beer, then insists on hanging out with you.

Exactly. As it is, he's a liability on both ends of the floor, and leaves OKC playing 4 on 5. Hell, maybe he could finally try and get Westbrook to actually be a PG, instead of the second coming of John Starks, circa Game 7, 1994. At least then he'd be doing something productive...

I guess part of the reason the Spurs are thought of as "old" is because key, high-visibility players on their team are veterans who've been in the league for many, many years. You're exactly right, though, with Leonard. He's a stud, who provides the team with a speed element to help them play a faster game when they…

I made the mistake of claiming the Blazers youth and speed would be the end of the Geriatric Ward of the NBA, and I didn't make that same mistake before this series. OKC is soft as a kitten when it comes to D—Ibaka was the only person who made it a priority on that team (exactly what the fuck Perkins is there for is…

Sports Press: "For we shall offer this latest offering to the Altar of Brent M's Boner, in hopes of another fruitful harvest, and the most delicious of the Eye Candy!!!"

"sexy" in a middle-aged, boozy, you-know-I-coulda-played-pro-ball-if-coach-woulda-played-me, uncle-ish sorta way, sure.

At least he hit the kid. If it was my team, it'd be "Pirates Backup Catcher Destroys Window In Building Next Door With A Dodgeball"

What is "The main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer quit playing baseball", Alex?

"Back and to the left......Back, and to the left.....Back....and to the left.....": Jose Fernandez's lawyer.

Pfft! Big fucking deal! I hit a few that far before! No, I mean it was as if you put the combined distances of every hit I ever got back to back, and then added, say, about 30 feet, but still....

"Get off the goddamn mound! I want a man out there."

"Holy shit! That was a hell of a long fight!"—Michael Spinks

I dunno...when you find yourself surrounded by 7th grade boys, and you're trying to impress them with your coolness, maybe? Any other time, and you look like a 'bag with a piss poor sense of humor. Like the kind of guy that pays good money to see Adam Sandler movies on opening night, and stays all the way through…