Fucking psyched about picking up a Hawk alarm clock, hiding it in unconventional places nowhere near my quarters, and setting it to go off at absurd hours. 

Jokes on them our starters suck

Pitchers getting hit with baseballs? Machado’s taking notes.

Mookie Betts will pay for this

I live in Boston. Boston sports fans are the fucking worst.

What the fuck is wrong with Boston? They used to do this type of shit to PK Subban when he was with Montreal. Hub of the universe my ass

I look forward to the Red Sox reacting to this in a very level-headed way.

“Since license plates are the property of the Crown, there is no appeal process.”

Breaking News: Mike Milbury is an asshole.

I feel like I can say with total confidence that literally no black person on that train (“rap minstrel” or otherwise) said:

“Trubisky” is an anagram of “But...risky?”

Here’s some more reaction from Chicago!

Ball is like a black, literate version of Trump that actually loves his sons.

I love this:

First Take a Bunch of Painkillers

You should really try this approach on the next person dumb and sad enough to make romantic contact with you.

"They were initially suspicious of the group of 11 guys but eventually realized they were innocent."

Note to self.