“Nut Job” and “Relieving Pressure” — try masturbating, Mr. President instead of creating a constitutional crisis.

They were all assholes, except the Yeah Yeah Yeahs crew, all sweethearts.

Phew, that’s a relief. If he got it from Bengahzi, that would have been cause for concern. Nothing to see here, back to all our winning.

“rage stroke out” is how I usually masturbate after a bad day in the office 

I got three different news push notifications at the same time. I was thinking the missiles have launched or Trump is on the Twitter machine again. In any event, I can’t wait for Mother’s Day brunch with my Trump-voting mother.

To add insult to injury, getting hit in the face by Mike Pence is a pre-existing condition and not covered under the AHCA.

Get Insta-Visas for Chinese investors to his family’s properties.

I need to fix your headline:

I think we can look forward to Tiffany Trump’s Book: Girls Who Work — How I, Like, Got Over Things to Like, You Know, Whatever

I just want to see Mark Halprin dressed as a little boy as the ring bearer, and John Heilemann stop the wedding, grab Mika by the hand and rush her away from the church onto a bus where they sit in the back.

I’d get him advance to tickets to Fyre Festival. His new wife is the target demo.

It’s not news, it’s Fox News.

Ha ha ha. “Hey dawg, I saw you like music festivals, so I made a shitty version of it for you.”

I think the more diplomatic way to say this is, “Douchebags who paid thousands of dollars to do this deserve zero sympathy and they only have to blame themselves. May their finger be inserted into their anus.”

He’s probably going to Fyre Festival instead ... all those models!!!!!

At least state fairs have funnel cake, this one had cheese and bread.

He’s from Short Hills, NJ — home of the one upscale mall that people go to. Might explain a lot about his upbringing. “But this participation trophy told me I can do ANYTHING!!!!”

Always assumed it’s some Illuminati shit going down.