Nah I’m fine.

Not to get too pointed here, but this is part of the job. Not getting hurt specifically, though that is sadly also part of the job, but being a non-human in the eyes of the fans. Sorry, I don’t have the emotional capacity to keep tabs on the mental well being of all 53 active players on my favorite team’s roster, let…

Hey you guys, remember when Ray Lewis murdered that dude and then paid another guy to take the fall for him? That was messed up.

Perfect steamed broccoli:

Put in a Tupperware container and pour in enough water to fill the container about half an inch. Put the cover on but only snap down 3 corners. Microwave on high for 2 minutes for extra firm, 2:30 for firm, 3:00 for soft.

Where exactly did this guy think the tunnel ended? He was clearly standing right out on the damn field where he knew there were roughly 8 billion cameras that would all be pointed directly at the tunnel entrance.

I am 100% convinced that, if given the choice, Marvin Lewis would rather win the “field position battle” than the actual football game. He does not get NEARLY the shit he deserves for being the most boring head coach in NFL history. He is a lump of mashed potatoes in a headset with a trunk full of corny ass “DO YOUR…

Haha...You said Buck Farmer.

And a billion fantasy managers wept...

Check out the alternate (original?) ending to Get Out. It’s exactly what it should have been. Cops show up and straight Black Lives Don’t Matter the dude. I read some interview with Jordan Peele where he talked about how it was just too much of a bummer so he went with the comic relief up note ending.

The one thing I actually do know about the CFL with any certainty is that there is a Montreal Alouettes which is why you could easily convince me that any other Canadian city had the most comically Canadian team name imaginable.

If I were him I’d go to the worst team in the CFL (The Saskatoon Snow Ferrets? The Halifax Poutines?) and offer to play for free. Go out there secure in the knowledge that only like 20 people are watching you on any given Sunday (Saturday? Wednesday?) and that the worst thing that could possibly happen to you if you…

Votto’s 33 years old and already has 51.6 fWAR in his career. That would make him a borderline HOF’er if he retired this afternoon. He’ll finish this season closing in on 55 WAR. With his style, barring some kind of catastrophic career-ending injury there’s no reason to think he couldn’t basically be in his prime for…

As anyone who has ever lived sufficiently long in NYC can tell you, the worst thing to step in is by far dead squashed rat. That might sound like some random one-off urban legend horror story, but that shit happens more often than you’d think. “Did I just slip on a banana peel hopping off that curb? I should probably…

If auto racing doesn’t do it for you because of the lack of a physical element, check out motorcycle racing. It’s Formula 1 speed and danger with horse racing plus physical requirements. And if you REALLY want to get nuts, check out actual road racing like the Isle of Mann TT where several racers die every single…

I would routinely eat an entire bag of Oreos and the better part of a gallon of whole milk in the 45 minutes I had between school ending and going to work at whatever part-time job I had at the moment. Not a single serving package out of a vending machine. Not a sleeve. A full entire bag of Oreos designed to last a…

Only in Boston could a team that won one measly championship a decade ago still have to be viewed as some mythic Adonis of sports majesty in which any crack years later must be poured over as a great mystery of the universe. Show of hands, how many people give one single fuck about the 2008 Boston Celtics? Just typing…

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

Just throwing this out there: Sproles is like 5 feet tall in cleats and at the last moment before the hit almost goes down to his knees to catch the ball. That would put his head at about the level of most NFL players’ waist. You could see Everett lowering his head and shoulders and if Sproles hadn’t made that last…

Anyone in the market for a mediocre quarterback who’s going to be a constant PR headache? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Cleveland it is.