Whichever team George Zimmerman roots for.

I thought that Dez Bryant would have better earbuds.

And here I thought his explanation was that he’s a fucking prick.

Grandmother died in April of 1995

Because of BINKS. That’s why. Am I right?

I went to the Fiesta Bowl once

People will just deny that it sucks then a few years later they’ll admit it sucked.

The Tupperware/lid conundrum is similar to that of convertible cargo shorts-pants owners in the early-mid 2000’s faced. If it’s warm, I can unzip the legs. BUT WHAT DO I DO WITH THE LEG PARTS AFTER I’M DONE, DO I WASH THEM OR PUT THEM IN A DRAWER?

A straggling few got up to go deep in despair. The rest clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast; they thought “If only Casey could but get a whack at that-we’d put up even money now, with Casey at the bat.

Klonopin

Marc Andre Fleury, mental midget, has also napped too long and has blamed his alarm for not being ready for games. Which would explain the fact that he constantly lets backbreaking goals up in the first 5 minutes of games.

Pitt winning the Little Caesar’s Bowl. No shit.

I always knew that the “CC” stood for Canadian Club.

Bills Fan is the new Florida Man.

Jesus Christ

Why does CJ Nitowski report on his grandfather’s opinions and not his own?

This could put Barca in a Messi situ...nevermind.

Shoe-laces-you-hurt-my-back (sung in Nationwide jingle cadence)

How can the Pope even walk to the podium to give his speech with Calipari hanging all over his nutsack?

Steroids are a hell of a drug.