Celebrities want to watch this abortion of a franchise? I always assumed those in attendance were fulfilling community service hours for DUI's and such.

Now go read the whole thing, so you can find out what Woody Allen did you make the MSG bosses so mad.

It's 16 if you ask MTV...

Oh sure, but when I dress up in a furry costume and grab a small white girl in Utah, it's all FBI this, and Amber Alert that.

Surely you guys could have published a better photo of Beadle and Colin Cowherd than this one. At least use one where he's wearing pants?

Ugh, this sordid steroid mess is so widespread that even SNL is now involved with it. It disgusts me. How I long for the innocent and simpler days of yore, when the only PED associated with Saturday Night Live was good old fashioned cocaine.

Since it's a Dirt Bag thread ... I wish they would open comments on the SPONSORED stuff. Man. The Goonies would never approve a $130 necklnce unless it was after they found the jewels and saved the Goon Docks. Not to mention, the code is THEDARKCRYSTAL, so maybe it's a necklace the Skeksis would like?

Refreshing to see a white guy hanging for once.

Le Betard's face hovering over his shoulder the entire time made it much more amusing.

God, the disdain with which Wilbon says the word "Deadspin" gave me a goddamn erection. Just knowing he hates all of us warms my cold dead heart. Suck a bushel of dicks, Wilbon.

Oh man, why's the video so short? I wanted to hear what these unassailable paragons of journalistic integrity had to say about Ciroc Ultra Premium Vodka another seven or eight minutes down their list.

Things That Are Democratic, Ranked by Tony Kornheiser

Well of course he did. That's the number one thing these preverted ka-weers like to do, get some kinda weird sex lube and rub it all over each other's glistening, shaved chests, and tight abdomens, and taut buttocks, working that thick, luscious foam into a whirling frenzy as they take their sinner man parts and rub…

Of course he lawyered up. It gets cold in Minnesota this time of year.

A lot of running and jumping, but no touchdowns? Looks about right.

The Packers—the Packers!—still have 7,500 seats remaining

"National accreditation" is essentially not accreditation (though neither of the schools featured in this piece are accredited in any way, even nationally). Calling national accreditation "accreditation" is like calling the rhythm method "birth control."

Oh goddammit, yes, we know about the taxes. Can't we be happy for her, just for

Based on their experience and skill at moving a bunch of armless men around the field, the winners will be offered jobs as wide receiver coaches for the Bills.