I was born with a dick and now I’m gay. Coincidence? I think not.

They should have been more subtle about it, plausible deniability, ya know. I’m offended that they didn’t execute this time honored tradition better. 1/10

It’s a different shot. (It’s a crude carving on the inside of a log.) I don’t know why they didn’t post it.

We desperately need an earnest beauty tutorial on this exciting new look, Jezebel.

Yes. If I could see out but others could not see in, I would consider this.

Goddamn, it’s dusty in here. I just need a tissue to get that dirt out of my eyes. BRB.

Maybe this link will work? I don’t know, try it:

I don’t think it’s her little bit of English that got her where she is. Her being able to suck a golf ball through 50 feet of hose helped more.

“Look how far you can go with a little bit of shamelessness.”

In fairness to Melania, I have a feeling that her “success” wasn’t due to what was coming out of her mouth.

Plot twist: is her dad. She never knew because she was blind. She finds out through a long lost brother. Movie ends.

Or c’mon, microwave a canteloupe or something.

There’s a year-end list compiled by a consumer safety group that chronicles those...incidents, as well. Rectum? Damn near killed ‘im.

Jesus Christ, man! If you’re bored of your hand, either buy a fleshlight or make one at home, and stop trying to make penile insertion a freakin’ death sport.

Big Little Lies does not need a direct sequel. Instead of making one, why not adapt another Moriarty novel with (most of) the same cast in new roles?

I appreciate this.

I was in a hotel somewhere and bored during the day. I turned on an ANW episode and thought, “Pffft, this is so dumb.”

I love the octopus. I do not understand how people can eat them. They have personalities. It’s like eating my slightly deranged grandma.

White male privilege.

Shame on Colbert and the Emmy’s for this. This douchebag shouldn’t get a redemption tour.