Have you ever dated someone who was awful to be with? Just selfish and inconsiderate, made you miserable? Yet suddenly after you dump that someone they suddenly become sweet and thoughtful, so you agree to take them back? Only then they revert to being the same old asshole?

The best way to “use sports to talk” to someone is the following technique, since it shows your vast knowledge of baseball, one of the sportiest of sports. Feel free to explain what you’re doing each step of the way.

Where have I seen that font before?

I always assumed it was the stress of dealing with your insane family members, but maybe that is just in my family.

The most obvious answer: Sisyphean Hell.

I did not want to laugh at this.

In Cleveland they leave free tickets in a big pile outside the stadium and walk away. When they come back, there’s twice as many.

An agonizing +1

I have a boss who’s cool enough to let me take a lunch break at 11 o’clock to go see Swoop and give him a high five.

“win”

In Cleveland you have to be the first to find and administer a life-saving shot of adrenaline directly to the heart of an overdosed Brownie the Elf somewhere in the Flats to win tickets.

Haven’t seen someone spend this much time running around Philadelphia with inevitable disappointment on the horizon since Hillary Clinton.

Back in the day, we bought a newly built house in a subdivision that had been a huge cow pasture. there were no trees. none. So each Christmas, Dad bought a live Christmas Tree, a big bushy motherfucker that took two men, no kids, to haul indoors and then later back outdoors. We would plant that bad boy every year for…

So... it’s a cold day in hell?

Especially since the spikes probably would have cracked the ice before he got out far enough to get more than his ankles wet.

Crack is whacked.

A-hole in one.

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall in an open sewer and die.” - Mel Brooks

That looks hilarious, except that because it can quickly turn lethal.

Watch out for the water trap on the 16th, it’s a dooooozy!