Hiking pants.

Of all the bullshit my parents forced onto me like it was the gospel truth, the biggest pile was that it is in any way necessary to make the bed at all. Just keep your sheets reasonably clean, maybe toss a blanket over the bed if you have pets that like to track dirt, but who honestly gives a fuck if your bed looks…

Seriously. What purpose is making the bed even supposed to serve? I'll make the one I'm sleeping in when I'm staying at someone else's place, but I cannot imagine a larger waste of time and energy then making my own bed.

Agreed. I don't even notice individual features. I just saw that there was a baby, thought, “Ew, gross,” and scrolled past the picture for the story.

It's an allegory for the fact that every asshole in Colorado drives a Subaru. Proof: I'm in Colorado, and I drive a Subaru.

Whole books have been written about deaths in Rocky Mountain National Park, including whole books specifically on the small percentage of territory occupied by Longs Peak (that mountain alone has racked up a death toll of 60 since record keeping started). Probably every highly trafficked National Park has an…

In that case, may I not recommend the Narrows on Longs Peak? I’ve done that shit twice, and it made Zion and the Grand Canyon look like a multi-lane freeway.

For real. Full-term babies freak me out - they reside smack dab in the middle of the Uncanny Valley for me. Pictures of fetuses make me go all, “OMG WE NEED TO PUT ABORTIFACENTS IN THE WATER TO KILL THEM BEFORE THEY SPREAD.”

Getting to Colorado Blvd from Colorado Blvd is also damn near impossible. I used to live in Congress Park. I cried every time I had to go south.

Actually, I’ve been dodging endocrinology appointments for months now and getting necessary prescriptions (of which, Type I diabetes, so there are many) refilled through my primary care doc because the endocrinologist I was assigned is a condescending, flaming yeast infection of an M.D.

I guess I’m going to be the dissenting voice here. I’ve been 30 for three months, and thus far, it sucks. I’m not where I wanted to be career-wise, I’m facing the prospect of essentially starting over with school, and all my friends are having babies. this has nothing to do with the fact that I’m in no position to…

Wtf does “well-controlled” diabetes mean? An A1C of 7.0 or less? No hypoglycemic episodes in the past week? month? year? Or is “had Type I diabetes for almost 30 years, not dead yet + all limbs still present and accounted for” good enough to earn the post-blood-draw cookie? Some of their other medical eligibility…

Trump’s a germaphobe. It's not unheard of for those at the extreme end of that phobia to go to strange lengths to protect themselves, especially from stranger germs. Sure, the whole thing could be a hoax, but that part seems legit to me.

I almost literally can’t run to save my life. But I know mountains. I’ve climbed 7 of the 10 highest fourteeners (14,000+ feet) in Colorado. I nearly died on one, and that was in spite of being about as prepared for the mental and physical strain brought on by the need to push your body to its limits just to stay…

You guessed correctly. Denver, however, went all-out for Bernie. Hence why I will be gleefully grabbing the popcorn if he does make a political run for local office.

It’ll be kind of hilarious to me if Ben does run for office on national TV, since his politics do not align with the rest of Denver at all. A few of the neighboring counties, perhaps, but a lot of the Denver Metro area consists of granola-crunching, commie-pinko hippies who just want to light up in peace.

I don't know what kind of doughnut that is because I don't like doughnuts, but similar boxes appearing at family dinners say Voodoo Doughnuts. They seem to be primarily located in states with high concentrations of stoners. :p

My dad once wound up sporting sparkly nail polish on one of his fingers after requesting a full manicure while on Ambien. He didn’t notice until three days after the med wore off.

Pop-Tarts are the worst even if you’re a diabetic with crashing blood sugar. They’re a crumbly disaster, which, if you’re hypoglycemic enough that you’d need to resort to Pop-Tarts, makes shoveling them into your mouth with your sudden deterioration in fine motor skills a problem. Plus, they’re a little too effective.…

I sort of wish I could stand people enough to live with them. I live in a pricy enough area that I could make a decent pile of savings by renting out my extra bedroom, and it would be nice to have a larger vacation fund. Plus, I’d have a built-in housesitter when I used those funds on an actual vacation. Sadly, I’m…