I remember when you weren't a sad and ugly mix of eras. It pains me to think of how cool you once were considering how crappy you are now.

Tides control magnets.

That's retarded.

Cannes didn't even hear the last two consonant sounds in its own name.

*pulls quarter from Alien Jesus' ear*

Apologies tend to emanate from the heads of dicks, don't they?

And also to remember to wear sunscreen.

A whale would prefer Netflix and krill.

Did you say "huge steak"?

Too soon.

Magician: Imagine if you will that you're gone.

I just fucking got it. Rhyming slang. The Brits. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Don't get your Barsantis in a bunch.

When we leave Dallas, we say, "It's good to be leaving Oklahoma again."

No. I'm just tormenting a dick who blocked me because I was actually angry about something Trump did, and I didn't honor my liberal bona fides in the way he felt necessary by not cursing.

You're not on even keel
With Sean O-Neal.

EXCEPT FOR THE FIRST WORD SPOKEN THERE

"Covfefe" is what I text ladies to judge their interest in having sex.

Of coarse it as.

Ernie's not an idiot.

The one where he yelled at a chair?