You know, for the longest time I thought that was actually a photo of David Arquette. I still kind of wish it was.

My vagina is a hunter, not a gatherer.

Omg I hate it when my favorite couples break up.

Oh you Twilight fan girls. You'll never give up hope that E will leave B for you, will you?

He's very withholding when it comes to twine.

I had a sexy times “pizza guy”. His life was a swirling vortex of drama, he was dumb af, his political views made me cringe, but oh boy - was he hot. And more importantly? He was GREAT in bed. Like, idiot savant levels of greatness.

Admitting that is half the battle.

Hint: when you have to spend that much time explaining a “joke”, there's a chance that maybe it just wasn't a very good one.

She looks like she's going to age into bitter cranky face by the time she hits thirty.

The @LosFelizDayCare Twitter account must be taking copious notes.

A friend and former co worker has worked for the AM parent company since their earliest days purveying chat lines and phone sex. The female employees even then spent most of their time pretending to be “real live women” on the various chat lines they operated.

You’re confusing “good” with “horrifying". Happens to me all the time.

Perfect. Please accept these stars with my thanks.

“OMG, you still like Anna Kendrick? I only like free range organic small batch actresses raised in small Mongolian villages where they only perform in all mime productions of Camus”.

Is it because you liked her before she was cool? Is this the beginning of the Anna Kendrick hipster backlash?

Ooooh. So he’s all.... buzzy. Like a human vibrator. Head. To. Toe.

“The fuck is this thing they’ve got me wearing"

And it's taking you with it.

She's a bit old for him. Maybe she can play his mom, and we cast an unborn fetus as his love interest.

Wtf did I just watch.