That limp-dick New York by-the-slice horseshit is just wrong (and tasteless) on so many levels. CHICAGO DEEP-DISH PIZZA RULES!

I am so excited about this news I can hardly stand it. I LOVE TIM GUNN. He's the best part of Project Runway for me.

Whatever happened to rum and Diet Coke?

Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if Kanye is bisexual. He'd be attracted to anybody who worships him.

Reality?

Help me out here. What the fuck are cankles?

Muffin penis? MUFFIN PENIS? I've lived too long.

Stop. Just, stop.

Didn't Miley Cyrus just wear an outfit like this?

Bieber? Good in bed? That's the joke of month. He looks like a 14 year old girl on steroids. I'd be willing to bet he paid the Brazilian "model" a minor fortune for her bullshit testimonial.

This looks like a headpiece one of Prince Andrew's daughters would wear. You know, to Westminster Abbey for a wedding or other royal hoo-hah.

Why can't anybody accept the fact that Miley Cyrus has invented haircuts, sex and smoking weed? And she no longer owns a pair of goddamn pants?

I know. I didn't realize how shitty this sounded at the time I wrote it. Mea culpa.

It's so politically incorrect you'll laugh until you wet your pants. (True story.) I saw this movie for the very first time two months ago. No kidding. I'm 62 years old and I just saw "Blazing Saddles." <sigh>

Wearing gold jewelry?!

Paula Deen sunglasses? WTF.

I'd like to go to Hungary for the great sacks. I haven't had great sacks in years.

Chinese children wouldn't give a fuck about Barbie because their culture is so opposite to ours. It starts with the parents.

Probably NONE. They worship magical fetuses, not actual living, breathing mothers and children.

Wow. Just, wow. This is a real "holy shit" moment if there ever was one.