I find it fascinating that he who possesses the soul of a dragon and is destined to save the world from evil is a fat bearded dipshit who still has acne. Good for him, though.

Is that actually true, gigawings? Is everyone indeed different? Stereotypes exist for a reason. The term originates on the old days of printing, when pressworkers who normally had to arrange each individual letter manually realized that they could save a ton of time by creating grouped sets of letters for those that…

I hate to revert to an often-unfair (and inaccurate) stereotype, but the only people who would ever cry over a game developer not releasing any more updates are those who are either A) mentally ill, or B) have not yet discovered sex. More so than most people here, Jezuz, you might need to get out more.

Damn you, Craig T. Nelson.

Fridays from 11pm-Midnight will be reserved for all of those articles about random real-life Japanese chicks dressed up as Chun-Li and the broads from Final Fantasy. This will also be known as "Nerd Masturbation Power Hour."

You guys recommend that people buy an awful lot of shit. Why would I get this now simply because the developers reduced the price to a number that is still too damn high for a game on my phone?

"I'm not going to die."

No decent, honorable person — male or female — would respond to a story about cheating with "Dude, you scored." Try as you might, there's not a double standard there. Some people — again, either male or female — might be more casually accepting than others, however.

Honesty is only a virtue when it stands to somehow benefit both parties. In other words, let's assume that Patricia's boyfriend was truly awful in bed. Would you recommend that she call him up this afternoon and say to him, "Hey Frank, I know we've been broken up for a few years (because I'm a big whore), but there's…

In a relationship, a partner has a right to know. Once that relationship is over, it's over. We never get total closure in life. Things simply happen and we must learn to move on. So I can assure you that her ex wasn't exactly sitting around thinking, "Gee, I wonder if Patricia ever nailed a few guys on the side while…

Patricia, correct me if I'm wrong about any of these details (when girls babble on and on — either in person or in print — I tend to get bored and zone out, through no fault of my own), but even after you and your boyfriend were already broken up, you felt the need to tell him about how you cheated once upon a time?…

So, as near as I can determine, I should absolutely definitely buy pretty much every game? That's just stupid. How about mixing in a No vote every now and then, because not everyone has the time or money to purchase 10 games a month.

Just for the sake of being that asshole who corrects little details, that's not Comic Sans... I believe it's Marker Bold.

Reportedly, Ohga's last words were, "When in the hell is this damn Playstation Network gonna come back up?"

Ten bucks says Darth Tigris has, on many occasions, masturbated to pictures of female aliens.

You must be missing chromosomes.

You must be missing chromosomes.

Dear Square Enix... Don't bother. Final Fantasy XIII was, by far, the most disappointing and boring game I've ever played. No one is clamoring for a sequel. Trust me.

Pretty sure the friend of yours who claimed that his dentist stocked the waiting room with Playboy merely saw the Seinfeld episode in which Dr. Whatley did so.

Not pictured? All of the chicks he's hooking up with.