WEBVTT

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So I hate to be a complainer,

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but I just got back from my

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annual trip to Disney World.

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And it is unbelievable how much money

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they are charging to

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have s** with Goofy these days.

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Look, I'm a Disney adult, okay?

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All I want is to spend a day

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at the Magic Kingdom riding the rides,

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taking in a stage show or two,

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and bending Goofy over a milk crate and

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him until his teeth ring.

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But guess how much money

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they're charging for that experience now?

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$160.

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I wish I was kidding.

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A $160 to deep d***, the Goofster

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And if you want a T-Shirt

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with a photo of you taking him

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hard and crazy,

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it's an extra 50 bucks!

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It's ridiculous!

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I mean,

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for that amount of money,

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I can have Chip & Dale

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take turns sucking my

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behind
Splash Mountain,

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And I still have enough

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left over for a Dole Whip.

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And it’s not just the money!

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They're also cutting major corners

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when it comes to the Goofy f****** experience.

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I mean, I had to wait in line
for nearly

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45 minutes to blow my load.

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in Goofy’s quivering a******,

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and that's with the Lightning Lane multi pass.

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Plus, when you get there,

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it's all hurry
hurry hurry.

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No foreplay,

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just off to the races

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with a $10 Bashful-branded c*****

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that Goofy puts on with his soft mouth.

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And the whole time

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you got a bunch of screaming kids running around,

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so you're not exactly getting your money's
worth.

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And I haven't even mentioned
the worst part.

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Remember that $160?

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That’s per person!

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Yeah.

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Between me, my wife and the twins,

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I'm shelling out nearly a grand for my family

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to f*** and suck Goofy.

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And he wouldn’t even let Aaron spit on him.

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It's unacceptable!

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So if anyone of Disney World is watching this,

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don't be surprised if next year

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I take my business over to

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fabulous Universal Studios Orlando,

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where I can eat out SpongeBob's
a** in peace

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without breaking the bank!

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Gawrsh!