WEBVTT

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- A full solar eclipse is upon us.

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This does not happen every day,

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and people are rightfully
pretty worked up about it.

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I am driving all the
way up to my alma mater,

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Rochester, New York just to go see it.

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Now, of course, if you've
been out and about recently,

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you've seen signs on the highway saying,

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do not drive anywhere.

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Please, for the love of
God, just take transit

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because everything is going to be packed

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bumper to bumper as hell.

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So I'm gonna give you
the tips I am following

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to try and make it to and
from the eclipse unscathed.

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Try to leave as early as you can

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and exit as late as possible.

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You want to be the first person to arrive,

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the last person to leave.

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You do not want to be stuck in the traffic

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of everyone showing up at 3:19 p.m.

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to go turn their head skyward.

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I am arriving in Rochester

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on Saturday and leaving on Tuesday.

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That's still not enough time
to avoid the traffic, I'm sure,

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but it ought to be better
than Monday, at least.

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Try not to drive during
the eclipse itself.

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The sky will go dark.

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It will be time to repent and
swear fealty to the new gods.

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Don't drive.

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Your eyes are gonna be messed up.

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It's not a good time.

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If you absolutely have to be on the roads,

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turn your headlights on,

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maybe even your high beams if
you wanna be fancy with it.

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Your daytime running lights do not count,

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but don't be doing 80 down the highway.

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You will not see the deer
that takes your car out.

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And the last tip, if you are
going out to see the eclipse,

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get yourself a set of these,

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certified legitimate eclipse glasses.

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Do not go on Amazon and
sort price low to high.

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Find a list of reputable retailers

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who actually have the
proper certifications.

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These are the most common
ones you're gonna see,

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these cardboard and plastic numbers.

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But you can also

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shell out and get the
fancy ones like I did.

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Plastic.

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Not gonna break in your pocket.

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You do not want these to rip

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as you're on your way to the eclipse

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and force you to miss it.

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For everything else, automotive,

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keep your eyes peeled to jalopnik.com

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and of course, keep your eyes peeled

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to the eclipse.

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(dramatic music)

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(people laughing)