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Elon Musk has been hospitalized
after severely burning the lower

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half of his body in a failed attempt
to impregnate a toaster.

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Sources confirm the 52 year old tech
billionaire was airlifted without pants

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from Austin, Texas, to the Grossman
Burn Center in Kansas City, Missouri,

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to undergo an experimental
grafting surgery

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aimed at repairing the third degree grill
marks on his penis, scrotum and thighs

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that had resulted from repeatedly
thrusting his erect genitals

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into the plugged in kitchen appliance.

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According to witnesses, the Tesla
CEO walked up to the communal

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kitchen aid for slice toaster
that sits in the company kitchenette.

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MUMBLED something about bridging the gap
between man and machine

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and let out a series of yelps as the hot
metal seared into the flesh of his groin

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grunting as he fought off
anyone who tried to intervene

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before climaxing into one of the empty
bread slots.

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When asked for a statement, Musk's team
responded, quote,

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All great innovators must fail
in order to succeed.

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Well, the toaster has declined to comment.