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President Biden has announced plans
to purchase

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an extra PlayStation five controller
in case someone visits the nation.

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Biden called the initiative

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a bold new era for the country's
multiplayer capable cities

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that would prepared
for any potential guests

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looking to play couch co-op
or local multiplayer.

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The president also said that
he has already instructed the Commerce

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Secretary to go to Target with 6999
to purchase the dual sense controller

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and she should be back before noon.

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Biden added that he hoped
to expand the initiative by purchasing

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a multiplayer ready game like Madden
or it takes two before the year 2030.

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While admitting that the U.S.

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government currently only possess
the latest streets of rage.

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In terms of stuff any visitor can play.

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Biden later went on to announce plans
to immediately purchase a Domino's Pizza

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and a liter of Mountain Dew
in case anyone who stops by gets hungry.

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How did you find out he was cheating?

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We were having sex and all of a sudden
he yelled, I'm not thinking of your name.

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I'm thinking of another person's name.

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It's the person I'm cheating on you with.

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But I'm trying to be sneaky.

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The name is Cassie, and I like sneaking
behind your back with him.

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I'm so sorry.

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Cassie. Cassie?

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Cassie? Cassie.
I want to be with her so bad.

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I know that your name is Jessie,
but again, I didn't say it

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because my head is with Cassie.

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Cassie? Cassie. Cassandra.

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This went on for 5 minutes.

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He convinced me
it was an innocent mistake.

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So then we dated for another six months.

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Then I caught him having sex with his car.

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Two years ago, I had an abortion.

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And while I still think each

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individual should have the right to decide
what to do with their own body,

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I also think it's important
for me to share my own experience

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because I'd be lying
if I said I don't have any regrets.

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I regret my decision to have an abortion

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and not stop for an Eminem
mcFlurry afterward.

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I'll probably regret it forever.

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I never wavered in my decision
to terminate my pregnancy

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throughout the procedure.

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Well, looking back now,

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I find myself wishing
I had taken a little more time to weigh

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the pros and cons of picking up a cool,
tasty treat for McDonald's on my way home.

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I was already out and about.

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I think I was just so overwhelmed
by the concept of choosing

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between Oreo and M&M at the time
that I wasn't thinking straight

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and I ended up making a hasty decision
to drive straight back to my apartment

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empty handed.

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Sadly, I now see
that was the wrong choice for me.

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Unfortunately,
it's one that cannot be undone.

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Logically,
I know that there's no use agonizing

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over the past
when the outcome cannot be changed.

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And of course,
there's still a chance to go on

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and have more mcFlurry in the future.

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When I'm 100% ready for one,
that'll be great. But

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sometimes I let myself wonder

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and things worked out differently.

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What might that mcFlurry have been like?

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Would it have blew Eminem's brown ones?

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Would it be large

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or small?

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I guess it doesn't matter now

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because that exact mixture
of chocolate candy and vanilla soft serve

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that I would have eaten
that day will never exist.

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And it's all my fault.

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I'm trying not to cry,

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but that that makes me really,
really hungry.

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I told myself it wasn't the right time.

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It didn't seem

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convenient to wait in line
at that point in my life.

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But is there ever a right time?

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I should have just bought it then

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and decided afterward
whether or not I could finish it,

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when at least
I could have given the rest away

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to someone who knew they wanted one?

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These are the questions

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I find myself asking now.

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Now that it's too late,

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it's easy
to put off grabbing an Eminem mcFlurry

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when you're young and naive and think
it won't be your only chance to have one.

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But then you wake up one day and you're

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too old to eat that kind of stuff.

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You have no one to blame but yourself.

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No woman should have to go through that.