WEBVTT

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Good news commuters.
The Department of Transportation

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just added nitro strips to the nation's
highways.

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Transportation Secretary

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Pete Bridges announced
the new red and blue booster strips,

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which will help launch drivers at over
525 miles per hour using jump ramps

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and loop de loops that will send them
flying high over any traffic jams.

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Unfortunately, Secretary Burrage
ended the press conference

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before he could answer any questions
about the thousands of fatalities

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caused by drivers
crashing through explosive TNT crates.

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While the U.S.

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has long envied the nitro strips on German
and Japanese highways.

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The new plan will finally let Americans
launch off an oil

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slick and yell, Yippee on the.