WEBVTT

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There's a new world's largest man,
and it's none other than former President

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Jimmy Carter.

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The 98 year old recently
weighed in at a whopping £850,

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making him the new world record holder

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as he surpassed an £846 Henry
Kissinger to take the crown.

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Damn, Jimmy, that's Dick.

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Despite his age, President Carter
continues to inspire millions,

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proving once and for all
that you don't have to be young to be fat.

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The U.S.

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economy added more than 260,000 jobs
last month, underscoring

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just how much of a massive loser
unemployed men Chris Gibson really is.

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The strong jobs report

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found that despite the stunning gains
made across all sectors,

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including hospitality,

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leisure and health care, Gibson
is still spending the majority of his days

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shuffling around the kitchen in
nothing but his socks and underwear.

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U.S. Labor Secretary

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Marty Walsh was stunned by the strong jobs
report calling the growth spectacular

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and the 25 year old man
a sad waste of human life.

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Even President
Joe Biden weighed in, calling

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Gibson an enormous sack of human shit.

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Whether the U.S.

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can save off a recession,
we'll still have to see.

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But top economists say if we do enter one,
it will be all this man's fault.

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White people have reportedly been ousted
from their role as the master race

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after allegations of past
racism have come to light following

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accusations of historically bigoted
and xenophobic behavior.

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Caucasians have now been forced to step
down from being the one true supreme race

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after being considered no longer fit
for their long held position.

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These widespread allegations
from a variety of sources claim

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that whites have spent hundreds of years
engaging in colonization,

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racial segregation, slavery
and even genocide, which is a big no no.

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While it is possible

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that white people may be allowed
the role of dominant race in the future,

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it looks like for now,
they're going to have to

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join the ranks of the inferior sub races

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until hopefully they learn to wield
their white power in a more positive way.

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The Biden administration is under fire
for breaking child labor laws

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after half of the cabinet
was revealed to be under the age of ten.

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While many were too young to walk,
they were still expected to put in

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grueling 14 hour days within the executive
branch despite their age.

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Many were given complicated and dangerous
tasks, including filing classified

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documents authorizing drone strikes
and even guarding the nuclear football.

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Sadly, until Biden can find adults
willing to work for Candy,

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the Treasury Department attorney
general's office and Department of Defense

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will likely remain vacant, though.

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And you can my coworker type any louder,

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be a fly on space eye

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for sake. w0u.

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L. E. Space.

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L. I. K. E.

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Space t o. SpaceX p.

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U. R.

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C h. A e.

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Space seven.

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Does he not realize why he s space?

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I space f.

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E. D Space t h e.

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Space w0r.

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Or does he just not care?

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Seven zero SpaceX e x t r.

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A SpaceX Jesus Christ e and SpaceX.

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P. I. N.

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A p. P.

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L e. S exclamation point so annoying e.

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E e e for space

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e. E.

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E. E.

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E. E.