WEBVTT

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- Hey, my name's Bert Kreischer

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and I'm taking the Gizmodo Quiz.

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(funk music)

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Do you prefer Android or iPhone and why?

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iPhone, 'cause I don't live in Alabama.

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My wife's dad's on an Android

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and then once you send a text

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in a group chat to the Android,

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you can't delete it
'cause it's there forever

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and then you're on this
group chat forever.

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I mean, who designed Androids?

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Androids to me feel like something

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that we got from, like, Australia.

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And you're like, "oh cool,
that's what you guys use?

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Well, we all use iPhones."

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iPhone links up to everything!

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Your old iPhone links
up to your new iPhone

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links up to your computer
and then you get messages

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and when you change your number,

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it all goes to your computer.

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iPhone, dude, iPhone!

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Now, having said that,
I've never had an Android.

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(laughs)

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Aside from the browser or text app,

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what app do you use the most?

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Well, according to my download on my phone

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that tells me what I'm on,
I'm on Instagram a lot.

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I one time got to the end of Instagram,

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where you couldn't scroll anymore.

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It was like, "dude,
you've seen all of it."

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I think.

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I mean, I'm thinking it's
not totally possible.

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But, yeah, Instagram, I'm
a hardcore Instagram guy.

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Let's talk Instagram algorithms,

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my algorithm is (beep)ing weird.

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It's boat launch videos,
HBCU cheerleaders, watches,

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and Puerto Rican dudes
getting their haircut.

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It calms me. It soothes me.

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Watching Puerto Rican
dudes get their haircut.

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soothes the (beep) out of me.

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Instagram's amazing.

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You learn things.

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It cheers you up.

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Like, it can soothe you.

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Like, it informs you.

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Like, when I go on vacation,
the first thing I do

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is I subscribe to all the
hashtags of that country

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and then I find places that I want to go

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'cause people on Instagram

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show you the coolest places to travel.

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Like, we went to Italy

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and I typed in all the
cities we were going to

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and then I'd sent 'em to my daughters

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and then share all that
information in a group text

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with all the people you're going with

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and then they have access to it.

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It's a great way to
communicate with your family.

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And my wife likes watching
videos of people falling.

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So anytime you see someone
fall, you send it to my wife

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and then you'll hear in
the other room (laughing)

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It's the best.

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Instagram's (beep)ing awesome.

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What technology changed my
life when I was growing up?

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For better and for worse, phones.

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I say for better in that I
think it it's allowed my life

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to grow faster and quicker,

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meaning I think when you
just had dial up phones,

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I think life happened slower,

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but the access to me

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and then my access to
people I think is bad.

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I do miss a world

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where not everyone can get in
touch with everyone so easily

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and if you weren't able
to get in touch with,

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it was now a problem.

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I am lucky enough to live at a time

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when you'd go to a bar and
talk to the person next to you.

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Now if you go to a bar,
everyone's on their phone

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'cause it is weird to meet.

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To meet strangers is weird.

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It was a cool time back then.

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You'd meet your bartenders.

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Now you go in, everyone's
on their (beep)ing phones.

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What was your first online username?

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Man, I have a list of bad usernames.

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My very first one was
bmankillsit, bmankillsit@aol.com.

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I still got it.

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I can't log into AOL on it,
but bmankillsit@aol.com.

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I got off Twitter and then
Rogin sent me something

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and I was like, (beep), I wanna read it,"

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but I needed a Twitter account to read it.

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I couldn't just get on Twitter.

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I needed a Twitter account.

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And then Twitter was like,

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"do you want to sign up for an account?"

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And I was like, "are people
gonna know about this?"

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And Google's like, and Twitter's like,

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"no one needs to know if you
don't want them to know."

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And Britney Spears was playing in the back

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and I'm getting back on Twitter,

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so I picked the name @oopsididitagain,

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(laughing) but I didn't
have my glasses on,

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so I picked @oopsididitasian.

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And then someone pointed
out I misspelled Asian.

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No wonder it was available!

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Physical media or digital media?

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Digital media.

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Digital media is so (beep)ing cool.

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Physical media is like, ugh, we get it.

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You're interesting.

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Oh okay, let's go pick up some vinyls.

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(exasperated sigh)

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I bought my daughters

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when they were, like, got their own rooms,

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I bought 'em each a record player.

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You should have seen it.

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It was like giving a
caveman a whiffle ball bat.

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He was like, "what am I
supposed to do with this?"

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They were like...

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I go, "no, yeah, open it up.

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It's Michael Jackson.

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Put it on"

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And they're like, "okay?"

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And then they never used it.

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And then I was like, "well
I'll take it in my room."

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And I was like, "why would I
do that when I can just go,

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'Alexa, play Michael Jackson'?"

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Right now everyone's house
just went to Michael Jackson.

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Google or Bing?

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I'm gonna pick Google 'cause
I don't know what Bing is.

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What's Bing?

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Right now there's someone
that works at Bing

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who's watching this going,
"guys, we gotta work harder."

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How do you pronounce gif?

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Well, I guess I did.

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(laughing)

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Gif? Jif is spelled J-I-F-F
and it's peanut butter.

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Gif is spelled G-I-F.

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It's called gif.

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It's not my jam-ma, it's my grandma.

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These aren't my pa-ga-mas,
they're my pajamas.

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What's your favorite gif?

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I just said it the other way!

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(laughing) I don't know what a gif is!

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What's a gif?

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I've read gif before I
knew what it was called.

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So wait, okay, so, like, a GIF is, like,

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my daughters will send me, like,

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and whenever I do something
stupid or text something stupid,

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they'll send a baby walrus
going (imitates walrus grunts).

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That's okay.

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That's my favorite gift, baby walrus.

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What's your favorite gaming console?

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So I had a severe addiction
to gaming, like, pretty bad.

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My wife took all the
connecting, charging cords,

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all the plugs off of all the
gaming systems in our house

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probably 16 years ago.

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And all I was allowed to have was a PSP

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and then she would find
me addicted to that.

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So 16, 15 years ago, she took
away all gaming apparatus

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and so I have not played
a video game in 16 years.

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My movie "The Machine" is in
theaters Memorial Day weekend.

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Just go to the movies.

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See my movie, "The Machine".

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It's about my story

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when I got involved with the Russian Mafia

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and robbed a train, but it's reimagined.

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It's an action comedy,
it's big budget, it's fun,

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and it's not what you're expecting.

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I hope you love it.

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I'll see you at the movies.

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