WEBVTT

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The coronavirus pandemic
has officially ended and hospitals

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are celebrating by fleeing COVID
19 patients out the windows.

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Ever since the World Health Organization
declared the pandemic over, bodies

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have been piling up on the asphalt outside
of top hospitals across the country,

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where many doctors and nurses
are saying good riddance.

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In a statement, the Mayo Clinic said
This should clear up a lot of space

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because the patients were taking up
the entire sixth floor.

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The hospital director added, quote,

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Thank God that's over
because we were worried

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we were going to be stuck
with this bullshit forever.

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So if you think you might have COVID 19,
hospitals are now encouraging you

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to fuck right off and come back
when you have a real disease.

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The US is facing a huge crop shortage.

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After all, 56,000 acres of the nation's
spinach crops

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were cut down to one single half cup,
serving until the shortage is over.

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Government officials are recommending kale
as a substitute.

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Scientists
just found a new reason to love dolphins.

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A new study found that dolphins
are the only mammal aside from humans.

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That jetski for pleasure,
While other mammals

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such as bears and squirrels
have been observed riding jetskis.

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It appears they only do so for survival.

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Unfortunately, the study was not able to
conclude whether a dolphins need for speed

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is contributing at all
to their population decline.

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So for now, dolphins are free
to keep on running Those waves.

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This piece of shit

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has been stealing drivers
all over the neighborhood.

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They always go for the big ones

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because they think they're worth more.

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Probably just going to resell them
on Craigslist.

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Shake my damn head.

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Guess I'll just have to order some more.

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Thanks, asshole

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of the sun.

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You don't want to be around
when this thing

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blows up.

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Trust me.

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Scientists
say that's when this thing blows up.

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It's going to be like a freaking bomb
went off.

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You're not even supposed
to look straight at it.

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But imagine if you were looking at it.

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And then,

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poof,

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it exploded.

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Ho! Lee.

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Shit.

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Luckily,
that isn't going to happen for a long,

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long time.

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Oh, no.