WEBVTT

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Ladies.

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What's the worst lie?

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A man has told you to try and get you
to sleep with him?

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One time
I was on a date with a guy who told me

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he was the sex champion of North America.

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But obviously I knew he wasn't

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the sex champion of North American
because everyone knows Hector Rivera

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has been the North American sex champion
since 2006.

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After our fourth date,

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this guy told me he was aging backwards
and that if I wait any longer,

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it would be illegal
for me to have sex with him.

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And it's like, dude, even if you're aging
backward, you'd still be over 18.

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Shake my damn head.

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He told me he was Nick Jonas

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and that's when it was so obvious
that he was just Kevin Jonas.

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This guy I knew told me that hooking up
was our divine evolutionary responsibility

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to ensure the prosperity of our species
for all future galactic generations

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to come.

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That's when I realized
I might have picked the wrong cult.

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He said his parents wouldn't
be home until later,

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but they're pulling up the driveway
as we speak.

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He told me he had one of those beds
where you can put a red wine glass on it.

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And even if you jump up and down on it,
it won't spill.

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Naturally,
I fell for it and stained everything.

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All men are the same,
and no one ever buys those beds.

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When will I learn?

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He said. I do.