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Offering a rare glimpse into the struggles
 of these little known

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and oft overlooked 3.5
 billion members of society.

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We now present
 The Onion Explains: Women's Rights.

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For decades,
 the female form has been objectified

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through unrealistic beauty standards
 to advertise products that just don't work

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that well,
 like facial washes with microbeads

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that don't rejuvenate
 your skin in the slightest.

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And perhaps most shockingly,
 aloe face creams

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with no replenishing power whatsoever.

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In the U.S., years
 of exploiting female sexuality

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for products
 that don't give you a healthy glow

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that lasts all day have become
 so commonplace,

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we almost don't even notice
when a woman has shamelessly

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displayed to sell shampoo
 that doesn't leave hair clean and shiny.