WEBVTT

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- You know, one of the things
that happens with children

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is that, no matter what happens,

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they are going to be exposed to things.

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And they're going to be
exposed to other children

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who talk about these issues.

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And, as a parent,

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you want the best
information to come from you.

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(slow and steady guitar music)

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Given the current climate,

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a lot of parents are
struggling to figure out

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how to talk to their children about race,

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and what's going on in
the country right now.

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These are my five tips for

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helping parents talk to their children

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about race and police violence.

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(slow and steady guitar music)

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You want to approach your kids

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when you feel calm, when
you feel level-headed,

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when you've really thought through

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what it is that you wanna say.

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The anger and anxiety that
parents are feeling right now,

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that a lot of people
are feeling right now,

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is something that parents
shouldn't feel like

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they have to let go.

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But they do need to organize it

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in a way that they can
present it to their children.

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Figure out what your anger looks like,

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and what your anger means,

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and what you wanna do about it.

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What are really the most important things

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that I wanna communicate to my child?

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Above and beyond anything else,

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children watch us and
how we react to things.

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So you can talk to your kids all you want,

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but it's really your
modeling and your example

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that's actually gonna have
the most lasting impression.

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(mellow electronic music)

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You can help your teenagers understand

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discrimination and injustice.

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Those are terms that children that age

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are capable of understanding.

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But with younger kids,

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trying to help them
understand what's unfair,

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how people react to
things that are unfair,

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is a different kind of language.

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Comparing it to

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examples of when they have experienced

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things that were unfair...

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There are books that you can incorporate.

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And I would say even as young as six,

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you can actually have
some good discussion.

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And then for teenagers,
you could just simply have

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more frank discussions.

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They're getting all of this information.

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They have their smartphones,
they have YouTube,

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they're watching a lot of stuff.

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It's important to try to figure out

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what it is that they know,

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try to give them some space
to express themselves,

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to express their anger,

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and have a conversation with them.

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(dramatic electronic music)

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A lot of people have

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their religion, their beliefs,

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the values that they already have

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instilled in their family.

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Right?

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This is how our family handles things,

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this is how we think about things.

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You know, what we believe in

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does come into play in terms of

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some very basic level of comfort,

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and some level of direction.

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In the same way that you
would use those things

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to communicate with your
kids in other instances,

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I think that this is the time to

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bring some of those in as well.

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You know, what it looks like
to deal with difficulty,

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what it looks like to deal with prejudice,

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what it looks like to
deal with discrimination,

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to help your kids see, you know,

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kind of a larger context
for what's going on.

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(upbeat electronic music)

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Right now

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we're having these intense conversations,

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these intense talks,

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we're trying to...

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To help children understand
what anger looks like

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in this context.

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And when they see pictures,
when they see protests,

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you know, to understand why it is

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that people are doing that,

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to understand how people express anger

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and why they're expressing anger.

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But...

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It can't be, you know, a conversation.

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It's going to have to
be an ongoing process

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that you want to commit to over time.

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You might have a
conversation with your child

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then you're just, like,
"Did they understand?

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"Did they not understand?

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"Should I have said
something differently?"

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You know, that's fine,

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this is going to be multiple conversations

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that you're going to have,

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not just this one conversation now.

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(lively guitar music)

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We have to explain

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really horrible things to
our children all the time.

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Even my three-year-old child,

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I actually have had a
conversation with her

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about what it means to
run away from mommy,

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and that someone might take you.

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Those are difficult conversations to have,

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but at the same time, you know,

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in terms of communicating, you know,

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these really awful
things that are going on,

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we also wanna make sure that
we end that conversation

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with our children feeling loved, and safe,

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that there are people who
are going to keep them safe,

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so that they don't have
the sense of impendent doom

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and that's what they walk away with.

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That they are safe and that
you're gonna take care of them.

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You have to help children understand

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that you shouldn't have to
have the talk with them,

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that it's unfair that you
are having to talk with them,

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but it's important.

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Because I think that that's
gonna be the difficult thing,

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it's helping children understand

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that this is not happening
in isolation, right?

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This is part of a broader social system,

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this is part of a broader history,

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and this is what happens
when things come to a head.

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(lively guitar music)