WEBVTT

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- [Announcer] A new report

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by the Department of
Health & Human Services

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has found that the average
male is 4,000% less effective

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in fights than he imagines.

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Casting powerful doubts
on many men's claims

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that they could take
someone out in two seconds

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or smash a guy's face in with their fist.

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- We found that on average,

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men describing hypothetical fights

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overestimated their level of combat skill

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by a factor of 40.

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With 80% of males incorrectly predicting

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they could mess a guy up real bad

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with one solid punch to the jaw.

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During actual physical
altercations, however,

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these men were statistically more likely

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to end up hurting themselves
or, most commonly,

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trying to diffuse the
tension by nervously saying,

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"Hey man, let's all just calm down, okay?"

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before any fighting even came to pass.

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- If some guy ever came at me

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and I needed to take him down quick

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I'd just disorient him

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with a quick blow to the face

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and then I'd knee him in the gut.

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The trick is to just
keep your fist real tight

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and punch with your knuckles

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if you really wanna fuck somebody up.

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I mean, you hope it
doesn't come to the point

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where you have to grab a bar stool

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and smash it over somebody's head

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but if he's being a real dick

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and you need to draw a little blood

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you don't really have a choice.

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Researchers discover that men

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were significantly weaker
then they verbally indicated

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while chatting with friends
in bars and locker rooms.

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And that men who were 90% sure

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they could tear someone a new asshole

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tended to succeed in fewer
than one to ten fights.

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It's hard if a guy's there with
his girlfriend or something.

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Because then she has to watch

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while I take his ass to
fucking school, you know.

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Honestly, I'm scared to get into a fight

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because I might kill the guy

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or put him in a wheelchair or something.

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Man, I hope that never happens.