WEBVTT

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(dramatic music)

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- And stay with us, because coming up

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a little bit later on in this hour,

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we're gonna give you some tips

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on how to tell if the man
your dating is a terrorist.

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But right now, it's time for
one of our favorite segments,

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Today Now Animal Party.

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Today we've got ornithologist

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Jack Spiess back with us again.

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Good morning Jack.

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- Hey Jim, hey Tracy.

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- Hi Jack, who's your little friend?

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- Well this is Ernie,

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he's the Montana merkle.

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- [Tracy] Oh, hi Ernie.

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- They're the victims of over hunting,

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due in large part to their

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distinctive call.
- Fuck you.

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- Oh.

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- You know, he's really

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6not the most ...
- fuck you

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beautiful bird in the state

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and ...
- fuck you

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Between the call ...
- Fuck you

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Of his and the way he
smells, like burning hair.

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- I was noticing that (laughs)

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- It was something.

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- Made a lot of enemies, right?

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Luckily for him

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he's protected as ...
- Fuck you.

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An endangered species ...
- Fuck you.

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It's up to scientists, like myself,

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to protect this bird ...
- Fuck you.

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From itself.

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- It really is awfully loud

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for such a little guy.
- Yes!

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- Yeah, well that's one
of the evolutionary traits

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that it's developed

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over the ...
- Fuck you.

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- Too ward off it's predators,
and here's another one.

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(clicking sound)

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- [Tracy] Oh what's that?

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- It sounds kind of like

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somebody chewing spaghetti in your ear.

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- [Tracy] It does.

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- Then there's it's mating call,

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which incredibly sounds
like that K.D. Lang song,

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you know, Constant Craving.

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- Fuck you.

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- How can you tell a Montana merkle

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from other other birds, Jack.

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- Well there's this ...
- Fuck you.

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- Naturally occurring swastika
there on it's tail plume.

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- Fuck you.

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- Yeah, how about that.

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- [Jim] Whoops, oh my goodness.

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- Oh, who you got here Jack.

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- [Tracy] Awe.

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- This is Claire and she's
the female of the species.

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(knocking sound)

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Believe it or not there's actually

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fewer females than there are males.

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- [Tracy] Oh, really.

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- Due in large part to
their distinctive call.

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(sigh)

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You see, they're ...

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- Oh, look at this, what is this.

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- [Jim] Oh boy, you gotta
come get a look at this.

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- [Jack] Right, he pecks out the shape

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of an ejaculating penis

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as a way of letting

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his potential mate ...
- Fuck you.

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- Know that he ...

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(sigh)

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- Wants to ejaculate inside of her.

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- [Bird] Fuck you.

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- Woah.

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- Well it looks like
Ernie found our camera.

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- [Jack] Yeah, when the
merkle gets sexually excited

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it flies directly to a reflective surface

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and there it rubs it's genitals
up against that surface.

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- [Tracy] Oh.

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- Maybe we should just coax
little Ernie down here.

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- No, no, no.

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You don't want to interrupt,

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he'll get angry and then he'll

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just spray his rancid
ejaculate all over the place

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and so I suggest we
just wait this one out.

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(bird sighing)

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- Okie doke.

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(bird screaming)

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- Well, when we come
back we'll take a look

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at the new baby clothes that change color

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when exposed to dangerously
high temperatures.

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(dramatic music)