Most goalies in modern hockey are chosen based off of their similarity to the personality and physical traits of the all time best goalie in the history of hockey: Goldberg.  

I’m a Blazers fan, so Houston- in all its past and future incarnations- can suck a collective dick. But yeah, I like watching Harden play, even though he has the weirdest no-shows at times. Not sure what’s going on, but it’s getting worse as his career plays out.

I mean, both Harden and Westbrook can fuck right off, but at least Russ died as he lived. Harden took a fucking nap on the court.

This is something I completely understand. As a kid who played keeper in HS soccer, I used to always act injured after I shit the bed on a save.

I’m really sorry if I offended any of yinz.

Roethlisberger has thus far been unavailable for comment.

Ah, the Dead Player Era...sniff...memories.

I don’t really consider “high sticking” like that a flop. Anyone who’s played hockey knows, that when you’re almost cracked in the face by a stick, your natural reflex is to jerk your head away and probably throw your hand up to protect yourself. It looks like embellishment in real time, but it’s really just a natural…

Listen, I hate the Pens as much as anyone, but they have like four good players available to play and are still making the Caps look like clueless assholes. Out of the Caps forwards, Kuznetsov is the only one who looks like he isn’t spending most of the game punching himself in the dick. Pathetic clowns, the lot of…

Those snipers were at the Cardinals game last night.

The worst example of their shitbirdness was when Mario Lemieux did his whole “Go easy on me, I have Hodgkins Lymphoma” act.

Counter-point:

Hockey players flop so hard they actually injure themselves ... and then keep playing UNLIKE THAT PANSY-ASS LEBRON JAMES.

As a Mavericks fan, I’ll always remember game 4 of their series against the Blazers during the 2011 playoffs where he pretty much single-handedly willed the Blazers back to a win. I was pretty despondent after that and questioning why I was a Mavs fan but it worked out OK in the end.

Topless is more tasteful than the tightly buttoned nun’s habit in the lead photograph.

I feel dumber for having briefly skimmed that article, but...

Sad how soft modern hockey players have become.

This is only a problem because the NFL does, in fact, sleep.

Jeb Bush: Please clap.

But in a court of law, a defendant is innocent until proven guilty. So if you can’t prove guilt, he’s innocent. What is the difference?