Mine. My job isn’t soul-crushing. Our rent is paid monthly—and when I leave work at 3:30, I go home and don’t work until the next business day. You (hopefully!) make (substantially!) more than I do, but at the very least, I know what my kids’ voices sound like.

Hot take: this trolling isn’t particularly funny or good. It’s some John Fugelsang image macro caliber shit.

I surf Reddit, browse 4chan, and lurk on vine. Ive been to 9gag

Me? Embarrassed? By farts? Oh, do I have some coworkers to introduce to you.

So let’s say I’m surprisingly good at static poses for a fat. Can I get away with those internet video-based yoga classes? Do I really need to buy a mat? Will the other dads at Gymboree be able to see my balls through my yoga pants? More to the point, would they be able to make out the anti-Irish slurs I write on them…

Yoga: for fat people? Asking for a friend that is fat and is also me.

This is the one moment in any of our lifetimes where the phrase “Kazakhstan was a better choice” actually makes sense. Savor it while you can.

Thomas Waites, who played Fox. He was supposed to be Mercy’s love interest, and have a much bigger role. The chemistry wasn’t there, and he wasn’t projecting as a lead, so either he was fired or he quit, I forget; that’s why you don’t see his face in his last fight with the cops on the subway.

It is very confounding to me that with every primary school in America devoting several hours a week to Swing Theory, Pitch Selection, Baserunning, and Unwritten Rules, we aren’t dominating the sport.

Warning: there exists some special edition of The Warriors which includes dumb lily-gilding comic book panel transitions between scenes and (I assume) Walter Hill giving an even more lily-gilding-er synopsis of Anabasis. Avoid; it cheapens a thing that was somehow so beautiful because of how cheap it was.

We take our daughters (two and one) to restaurants once in a blue moon. The infrequency is partly to do with the following SAT analogy:

When the editorial side has shown exactly zero contrition for a almost-universally-agreed-to-be-shitty thing they did, they deserve all the repetitive and tedious flak they get.

I ordered 45 seconds—45 seconds!—after it went live. Sold out, waiting list full.

I ordered 45 seconds—45 seconds!—after it went live. Sold out, waiting list full.

Both the 32” LG and the 4K Samsung have sold out. People are super thirsty about TV deals.

Both the 32” LG and the 4K Samsung have sold out. People are super thirsty about TV deals.

It was on the incomplete list promulgated in Amazon’s presser. The updates to this page removed that list in favor of up-to-date deals as they go live. We’re all wondering when the $115 TV goes on sale. If it’s anything like the $999 4K Samsung that sold out in less than half an hour, it’s going to go up and…

It was on the incomplete list promulgated in Amazon’s presser. The updates to this page removed that list in favor…

I think we’re still in a holding pattern. The 4K TV package just went live a little while ago (and looks good!). Don’t worry, some maniacs like me have gone on extremely limited sleep to pin down this deal. I need a hobby.

I think we’re still in a holding pattern. The 4K TV package just went live a little while ago (and looks good!).…

I used a vintage Westinghouse stove for a year. At once I fear no Westinghouses and wish a mummy's curse upon its dread name.

I used a vintage Westinghouse stove for a year. At once I fear no Westinghouses and wish a mummy's curse upon its…

I am buying the hell out of a 40-inch 1080p television for $115. That is absurd.

I am buying the hell out of a 40-inch 1080p television for $115. That is absurd.

2/4, 3/19, 5/22, 6/5, and 7/12? This motherfucker Herman Munstered into her mentions.

I don’t discount her serve at all; it’s incomparable. I just know her backhand is legit signature; I’m not sure any player anytime soon is going to have the compactness, the strength, and the accuracy to the extent Serena does. Nobody has any business having that lethal of a shot requiring that little movement and…