I feel like this is the best answer to his detractors, though.

I have a magic trick they might want to see

For what it is worth, this guy is a lawyer.

Caddayshack should be on the list.

To be fair, I’d argue that Taco Bell does not count as a Mexican restaurant.

I worked in a science library at a Christian university during college. Good gig, and I always took the opening (10 am) shift Sunday, because no one would come in, so I could work and do homework/be hung over at my desk.

I worked at a bookstore. In a town. Said bookstore was not in a mall. It was a freestanding building. And that happened twice. Women left their child in my store while they each went to run errands downtown. I told them both that I would call the police if it ever happened again. I am not a free fucking babysitter.…

Im a librarian and we will have kids there till close alone. Its a huge bummer, I work in an area with a really high poverty rate and we make sure everyone has done there homework and I give them snacks from my programs to make sure they have at least eaten something till they get home. The really little ones are…

Yeah, that’s pretty standard shit at a bookstore. I worked at a place that was about a block away from a Cheesecake Factory. Mom and two cute kids in the 4-7 range came in around 11 AM one weekday morning. Mom disappeared shortly thereafter and the two kids hung out in our kids section (which had toys to play with…

I was behind someone at a gas station once who truly did not understand why her three pieces of candy cost more than .99 because the sign clearly said 3/.99. This lady argued with the poor teenager behind the counter for too long. I finally offered the lady a quarter to cover the cost of tax if she would just leave.

Who the hell just lets a fart fly in a restaurant like it’s nothing? I’ll run to the bathroom if I have to.

Lies! I studied economics in college, I use the internet and took at least 2 marketing classes so I know exactly what is going to happen in the future.

Back when I was that age, I’d sing a particular Eric Clapton song as “she don’t lie, she don’t lie... croquet”.

I hate buying bread because if I’m not eating sandwiches every day, it goes moldy before it’s finished. I buy the half loaves, which are MORE expensive than the full ones, but I hate to waste food like that.

I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but a friend of mine and I recently starting sharing produce. It takes some coordination, but we’ve been able to make it work for the most part. Sometimes she’ll text me from the store “If I get this spinach will you take half?” and she will drop it off on her way home.

I own low income rental property in a Midwestern city, and one thing I tell every single tenant when I sign a lease with them is that the minute they think they’ll have trouble with rent, call me and tell me. I can’t make rent cheaper, but I am 100% willing to make a payment plan or at least waive late fees if they…

I had an grad school admissions officer at a large school in Oregon say that to me.

Recently I was in a store and a little boy was blocking an aisle. His mother told him to move out of the way because he wasn’t the only person in the world. Mother of the Year!

The 9/11 lady needs a punch in the taco. Fuck her in every way possible.