This is something I drew years ago...the Holy Carp, complete with tiny Crucifish.

“So, your table stopped me and asked what kind of fish they had was because they thought you were lying to them; I told them it was cod and they asked why we didn’t have real fish.”

It’s our deconstructed caesar!

Here in north County San Diego area, we have this absolutely wonderful burger restaurant called Slater’s 50/50. It’s called that because most of their burger patties are made with 50% ground beef and 50% diced bacon (and it is absolutely WONDERFUL.)

It wouldn’t have been free if you had just given it to him, though.

Also, I’m a firm believer in the policy of sometimes you offer free stuff to regulars as something nice. They don’t get to demand it.

And for my salad, I'll have a bowl of croutons.

I am very fucking sorry you feel that way.

You should’ve said “I’m de toilet? No, YOU de toilet!”

Along the Gestapo/Gazpacho story line...
After 9/11 my then husband was in auxilary NYPD in the Emergency Services Unit (he was also an EMT). During the Republican National Convention they had a bunch of ambulances and emergency personnel sitting at the Jacob Javits Center. Because my then husband looked obviously like…

This is just so irritating. I can understand how people don’t like abortion. No one likes abortion. But if you’re going to crusade against it, do it against the legislation, not the clinic that also helps women (and men too!) with treatment, cancer screenings, and reproductive education. They do more than just…

Yay!

“Here’s a bowl of maple syrup and an apology.”

My dad used to have a buddy that owned a high end men’s clothing store. He’d bring him in some fish he had caught & cleaned & filleted, and the guy would let my dad pick out a nice shirt in trade.

I worked in an upscale department store and they had levels of in-house credit cards. So imagine if Macy’s had many levels of Macy’s cards. (Maybe they do.) The top level was for the families of senior executives and they got a huge discount. Whenever anyone whipped out one of those cards everyone stood up a little…

Ever have someone order Zin and then be shocked when you bring them red wine?

Funny restaurant story time:

It’s the sheer laziness of the attempted conning that gets me. I picture Paul Newman and Robert Redford in their The Sting costumes crossing their arms and glaring, muttering about kids today.

I’ve always hated the “I’ll get you fired” response. I told a woman once that if a person like her could get me fired, then the job wasn’t worth keeping.