That’s a massive gun problem, pal.

And you want to be my latex salesman.

When to stand during a sporting event?

You should quit.

Putting your phone on your thigh while you wipe seems like a really bad idea. You must have massive thighs because I feel like the slightest movement would send my phone either onto the disgusting bathroom floor that is littered with pee puddles and stray pubes or into the the bowl to swim with its turd friends.

Why is the TP dispenser itself not the phone resting place of choice?

Nah. You gotta own that. Big grin, hold the door for ‘em. Let them know you hate yourself just as much as they do.

I pace back and forth in the living room during big games.

I am pretty sure that what you just described is known, in legal parlance, as “exigent circumstances”.

8. Don’t hold up a fucking sign all game long.

How can a child be a fraction of my size but produce the same amount of waste, if not more?

For standing at games, be self-aware and don’t be an asshole.

All my excess live in Texas.

Definitely more Heathcliffy.

There were plenty of African Americans in the West, and “forced diversity” is how they got here in the first place.

Uh... what?

Look, I love Canada. They’re awesome. That being said, it’s not like they don’t have electoral issues from time to time.

OF COURSE they’re doing it for publicity. It’s why you protest - to put public attention on an issue.

See, I’m sure it’s informative, but then I’d have to listen to Malcolm fucking Gladwell.

What is Mathew McGorry saying?