Just a few weeks ago, I celebrated Christmas for the first time. Ever.

It’s been almost two months since I drank. I think about relapsing every single day. I want the chill in my hand. I want to hear the kshhh sound when you pull the tab, and then the fizz when you pour it over a frosty glass of ice. I want to taste the icy sweetness with the crisp twist.

There are many things I hate about Crazytown. I don’t like the stigma that comes with living here. The cost of living is insane. (Can you say thousands in copays alone each year?) And I hate that people I love have to live here, too, by default.

This past weekend, there were reports that Lowell Hawthorne, founder of Golden Krust, committed suicide. Early reports indicate that his employees were shocked and had no clue that he might have been dealing with some issues. There were comments like “If only he had spoken up” on social media sites.

Greetings from CrazyTown! These are dangerous times for those of us who live in CrazyTown. Let me explain.

I used to be deathly afraid of being outed about my mental-health struggles. What if I got a speeding ticket and ended up on the front page of my local paper? Award-winning writer found with unknown crazy-people prescription pills in car while driving with child!

A recent Facebook post is the reason for this story.

How do you announce that your 10-year marriage is over? Do you change your status on Facebook? Write a cryptic post about new beginnings? Group text?

When I hear the words day party, I instantly imagine women in strapless dresses from Anthropologie and dudes wearing suspenders with those super high hemmed pants. There’s barbecue chicken that magically doesn’t drip. It’s at a perfectly appointed venue. There’s no talk about politics or hip-hop. There are people…

Do you still say nigga? I do.

In the late ’90s, I was working at an urban entertainment magazine. R. Kelly’s career was scorching hot, as it had been since day one, even though by this point the Aaliyah debacle was still on everyone’s mind. Did he really marry her when she was 15? Did R. Kelly have her parents’ permission? The alleged marriage was…

Forty years ago, Albert “Prodigy” Johnson of Mobb Deep, who died Tuesday at age 42, would likely never have had a music career.

I have been sexually assaulted twice in my life.

The drug could be injected, liquefied or taken in tablet form. When combined with alcohol, the effects, including sedation, euphoria and sleep, could be greatly amplified. It was odorless, tasteless and inexpensive.

I still have a hard time processing the idea that Prince is no longer here. Now, I was never a super fan. I never made a pilgrimage to Paisley Park. I only saw him in concert once. And that was only because my bestie followed Prince around the country and insisted that I see him live. (Thanks, Portia. I appreciate…

In the late ’90s, I went to a meeting at one of the biggest record labels. I was scheduled to do a quick interview with the president. I knocked on his door and he waved me in. Then he sized me up and fixated on my navy-blue messenger bag with the Rawkus Records logo stitched on it.

Eleven years ago, in the summer of 2005, I was given an assignment: a cover story on Faith Evans. She had a new album dropping that had great buzz. She had also dropped a stunning amount of weight and the VIBE staff decided to bless her with another cover.

In 2007, I was asked to meet with ex-drug kingpin Frank Lucas as he interviewed writers to work with him on his memoir. His life story, American Gangster, starring Denzel Washington, had been released the previous year. While normally the book leads to the movie, Frank actually decided to do a book after the film. He…

In 2000, I wrote a cover story on Ja Rule for The Source. Ja Rule and his then-girlfriend Aisha, high school sweethearts who had already been together for ten years, lived about ten minutes away from me in Jersey so I was able to hang out at their home the day before we all left for Los Angeles for the American Music…

In the winter of 1999, I was promoted at The Source from Staff Writer to Associate Music Editor.