There’s only one proper way to wrap a cookie:

1) Place cookie in mouth.
2) Close mouth.

Your cookie is now wrapped.

No Hot Gorilla? You’re dead to me.

SHABANI WILL REMEMBER THIS.

Fuck that. If he donates the money, keep it. Use it for something worthwhile, but don’t give that shit back.

I didn’t realize just how empty my life was until I watched this movie last night and realized that BB-8 is not my friend.

I’m from the south. What is a “salad?” Is that like our “ranch soup with veggies, meat, and cheese?”

How are you people finding Danse useful? All he ever did for me was stand there while other people shot at us. He never pulls out a gun, never even moves...just stands. I eventually just started pushing him where I wanted him during a big fight then using him for cover, so I guess you could argue that it makes him…

As a graduate of the Alton Brown School of Multitaskers, my stainless steel water bottle is my best friend. Not only does it hold my water, as intended, but in the event of a zombie apocalypse, it is sturdy enough to double as a zombie skull crushing weapon of last resort.

Because why worry about BPA when there might…

It was a nice before the “Moody Bible Institute” and pretty much everything else about him. Then it was all...

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Trump still has 17 days to find new levels to sink to.

That’s because it absolutely is.

You have to try a little too hard to get upset about this. Get back to me when she goes all Tim Langdell and we’ll talk about being outraged.

Martin O’Malley* is good at Twitter, tbh.

*the person who is probably tweeting for him.

For those who are interested in bodyweight approaches, I will never stop recommending that they check out the bodyweight workouts on Nerd Fitness and DDP Yoga.

I had this on in the background and all I could think was, “Man, young Dolly Parton was an asshole.”

Or, just listen to Alton Brown because that’s the right thing to do.

I live in the South. What is snow?

You adulted too hard writing this.

Everybody knows you never go full adult.

There is nothing embarassing about listening to Brand New. Ever.

EVER.

I’m cool with possibly being in the minority here, but I loved the finale and I loved the whole season. It’s been my favorite since the show came back and Capaldi has kind of stolen my heart from Eccelston.

Nine was my first, but dammit, Twelve is my doctor.

Of course I’d fuck Paul Ryan. I’m a dude and I want him to lose his job.