My skin is a natural peach yogurt in color, but with blue-green veins running through like mold.

Oh, oh! I am totally crust of Shepard's pie complexion. That sounds so sexy I may lick my own arm.

This is such a great time to be pale, especially because white people have great new ways their coloring can be described, like "mozzarella undertones" or "exotic, mashed potato skin."

Relevent for ladies whose first time wasn't great and those who might be wondering about what a first time should feel like, I just want to leave this awesome thing from Lacy Green here:

Good to know...

Like a houseguest. Marvelous at first and full of possibilities, but if left unsupervised for too long, they can be a real pain.

A lot of this is a much more adorable version of what happens when we let our cats into the same room:

Team Cat Headquarters here,

I'm sitting at my desk, tearing up. I hate you.*

Yes, we will do that on the same day that anyone gives a shit about what you think.

Give Tara all the art awards.

Bless you, Tara Jacoby.

Don't you just love how no matter how many hours or years you put in, no matter the quality of your work, and no matter how many hours or years you'll put in after your leave, the only thing that matters to some people is three measly months of inconvenience while your body recovers and you sustain the life of the…

wow, thanks so much for the hearty mansplanation of maternity leave! You're right, taking time off to shove a watermelon out of my cooter IS just a delicious, wonderful choice I'm making - just like a man wanting to backpack through Europe! In fact, I really planned badly by not having my husband do the whole…

That is completely ridiculous, because maternity leave is a special situation that requires special consideration. First of all, maternity leave is a medical necessity. It is not a woman making a choice to leave her company for no reason - birth is really difficult, and comes with many physical and chemical…

I kinda feel like I add to the problem here. I worked at a good place for 13 months, I thought I was gonna be a lifer but then I got pregnant, took maternity leave and ended up choosing to be a SAHM.

And in a related story: