A Schiano Man refuses to use the self-service checkout machine at the grocery store, because he doesn't like "that computer bitch's" tone.

He'd probably be someone who . . . is short on neck . . .

Well, sometimes . . .

Some of these look comfy. I don't really need all that much room on my own.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is the shower in the same little box with the sink and toilet?

Essentially, doesn't that mean I could take a sh#t, brush my teeth, and shower all at the same time?

TECHNOLOGY

So you are one of those douchebuckets that likes to crap on everyone's good time.

She had a Ragu jar with the U covered ready to go, just in case news went the other way.

you're way overvaluing their defense

Step one: Liquidate all assets.

My favorite stat so far:

I just might be wimpy, but I'm def gonna avoid the home page until this gets pushed to "next page"

That screen cap is the most terrifying thing I've seen in a long time.

What the FUCK is with your snapshot of this? That is what nightmares are made of. Fuck you, Deadspin.

I look forward to the gif of Eli throwing the ball when there was 5 Chiefs in the vicinity and not one Giant

Can you just show the entire return Deadspin? That spin move had me out of my seat!

Giants may give JAX a run for the money for the top draft pick this year. This is an abysmal team, playing without any discernible physicality whatsoever.

The real question: Has Jacksonville run out of beer yet?

Apparently its Blaine Gabbert's fault his wideout tipped the ball right to the DB

I'll take "a drop by Cecil Shorts that results in an interception". Hooray, I'm the winner!

No.

"The bastard never saw it coming."

BREAKING: Lane Kiffin named head coach of New England Patriots.