My condolences to cowboys fans. This is a tragedy

He goes on to recall another story, "One time I was hanging out with my friend Jerry and he was upset that our mutual friend Elaine had admitted to faking her orgasms when they had dated years earlier so I raped the shit out of her".

Phase 1: Collect Sean Lee's underpants

"Jesus! This guy's defense is INCREDIBLE!"—J. Harden

Your Streetball Dreams

"Ok, Roatti, you got this. Remember all the practice, all the time perfecting your form. Keep it simple. Imagine you are throwing a watermelon over a fence while wearing ski boots."

Simmons says it how it is. Remove Shaq and put him with the TNT crew and you'll have a ratings bonanza.

I hate Miley , but I loved this

meanwhile Riley Cooper attempted to distract the Broncos D by yelling "Uncle Toms"

The Eagles' defense also did their best impression of a Papa John's pizza, by being cobbled together from unwanted parts and disappointing everyone involved

Keeping with the spirit of their name, no charges were filed.

After looking back to see who hit him, he fell to the ground writhing in agony for three minutes.

BREAKING: Lane Kiffin named head coach of New England Patriots.

99% of the people reading this article outside of Austin and San Fran are first learning that Colt McCoy plays for the Niners.

My favorite MC Hammer impression was the one done by Warren Sapp.

Kevin Kolb: [Reads article]

No thanks. If I want to see rim-rocking jams and sweet throwdowns, I'll just watch some NBATV - or, as they say in England, baller telly.

so that's where Riley was

it's funny, but F*&@ spurs

36. Which of the following team slogans make you the MOST excited about the 2013 season?

* REGRESSION TO THE MEAN IS INEVITABLE