Listen, unless you’re Steve Martin or a felt frog, I probably want you to leave the banjo at home.

Oh come on people, I was expecting this to be posted by now!

16. From Ashy to Classless: A Rags to Rags Story

Ben “no pool should be this wet” Shapiro

“What do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip? Killed in a tunnel.” - Eddie Izzard

You might want to recalibrate your sarcasm detector.

Stop pointing out racism. You know that it’s racist to point out the racism. This was just police doing what they are paid to do. Just because there was no weapon found or actual reason for them to be detained doesn’t mean that they didn’t intend to do something criminal sooner or later - you know how “these people”…

As long as the VIN doesn’t change, it’s the same car. So you need to fill out form 468-B6 and stand in that line over there.

Goes with the misplaced decimal point in the price.

yeah, Pretty sure thats supposed to be .020

I appreciate the offer, but if I wanted a piece of shit from Elon Musk, I’d buy a Model Y.

I still think, Fear of Black Planet is the better album. It’s their masterpiece.

Steve’s funny, but my favorite Dating Game moment came courtesy of Taylor Negron in the late ‘70's, as like in the 60's with Steve, they’d put a comedian on as one of the bachelors. Taylor was appearing quite regularly on different Barris shows, until the Bachelorette asked him, “Bachelor Number 2, if you were an…

Cannot ever be unseen, thanks a pantload. 

I’m so sorry to be this guy but.. It’s just “On 580". We drop the “the” in Northern California until you get to The 5. So for me to get from home San Diego, I take 680 to 580 to the 5. Those are the rules. 

surprise mother fokker. 

I dunno. The idea has promise, but I’m not sure it would really... deliver.

Take it one step further: build up glass side panels and the US Postal Service can become the US Pope-stal Service.

Pretty sure that’s a Lambo....