I'm a Jets fan, and you don't know what you're talking about. This is purely a mathematical analysis, not a qualitative comparison of who beats who on a given Sunday.

The Devil's three way!

My... I mean, my friend's Fleshlight plays a mean game of slap hands.

You could have worked with Waste of Fucking Life. WOFL = Waffle, and who doesn't love waffles?

If they burn him next, I got dibs on the leftover crackling.

Wasn't there a 90-pound girl they could have punched instead?

{smacks Fourvalley's ass} That's great hustle son.

The only better Jets memory for me, behind teaching my two-year old to chant "Brady Sucks!", is being in a Meadowlands bathroom when the radio play by play guy announced: "Tackle made by number 51, Brian Cox." And then, amidst the ungodly stink of urine and Bud Light, 200 men in unison groaning "Coooooxxxxx...."

Report: Miami Dolphins' Bullying Not Limited To Jonathan Martin

Get him some aniset. Not the nasty 30-proof crap they sell here, but real aniset, concocted in a bathtub by someone's Italian grandma-with-a-mustache.

You're in the wrong classroom. This is Math for Alcoholics 202. Science-y Facts About Food 102 is located down the hall with Prof. Burneko.

The Longest (Dining Hall Meal) Card (Receipt)

Where's Tawmmy's epic bicep tat?

But he commented the right way. Scrappy. Gritty. Playing smallball for every overused caps lock. Doesn't that count for anything anymore?

While I love the image of Jeff Fisher bull-whipping his QB and screaming "Your name is Toby!", Kellen Clemen's Roots just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Jacquizz Unchained isn't bad though

There has to be a strip club in Portland call Oregon Tail, right?

"What about career ending knuckle-babies?"

Meanwhile, King Ginger was not amused by Brandon Meriweather's decision to go as a Shuar tribesman.

Take this man out of the grey!