When asked what exactly had happened during their go-kart race, a family member said that he didn't understand why she was going so fast. The last time he saw her, she was "a head."

Schilling said, "I can't just 'turn off' injuries. This isn't a video game. In a video game, the Red Sox would have convinced the Massachusetts government to pay for 3/4 of my salary, and then I would have pitched pretty terribly for a few games, and then I would have declared bankruptcy and retired."

Holy shit. This really pissed Whitlock off. He's gone on a killing spree: http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/07/us/lapd-attacks/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

Thou shalt not steal? JP obviously doesn't give a shit about Jesus.

When posed a question by a reporter, Mitch Ross responded "Catfished Hashtag YOLO What Time Does The Superbowl Start Brett Favre?"

The problem would be finding it beneath the big, oklahoma-sized FUPA.

On the phone, no one can see your Adam's Apple.

Considering the size of the monstrous, inbred disasters that most Oklahomans call children, you can probably find anything he wears "as-is" in the toddler's clothing section of Oklahoma's lone super Wal-Mart.

When Amani Toomer hears his own name out loud, he thinks "Kindergarten Cop."

Manti Te'o should've done this exact same thing:

-1

Not sure what the big deal is here. Marvin Harrison once shot a 59...year old man.

Coincidence that his lifetime BA and BAC are both .303?

Harbaughing some ill will towards the wifey?

Giving her a Harbeard: That's when John busts in a girls face, and Jim runs in and throws a handful of his pubes onto it.

Good thing he didn't give her his RNA, or they'd have a BABY.

Harbaughndage.

This shit sucks.

"I promise from here on out, I'm going to be on the straight and narrow. Minus the straight."

I think in your post the word "his" should be in quotes, not "apology". I would love to see the actual odds on whether he actually penned the apology himself. It's in legible English, so I'm going to go with no.