You know what. Fuck it. I LIKE Watergate salad. Y’all ever been to a Southern church homecoming in like July or August? Big stinking tent in a parking lot outside a tiny ass backwoods church just full to the brim of old folks and humidity and potluck shit? Finding the piece of table with ice box pies and ice box…

Obviously, he’s going to be renamed Captain James Tiberius Kirk. And he’ll always be a little chunkier than her other cat Spock.

And in Mexico City, we have this....

If anyone needs a model, I am available for your tasteful frumpy nudes.

I’ve got this hanging over my bed right now:

Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?

Not even close, Zach. The worst death in any King story is the fate of the wife who is murdered by her husband in the short story The Jaunt. If you’ve read it, even though that murder is not the main focus of the story, you will know exactly why it is worst death of all time in any King story, and probably any horror…

Fried pies need this.... Fried pies stamped “CHERRY”!!

Also, here are five and a half country songs about grown ups fucking:

Ah yes, body like a backroad.

Cats, especially obese cats, are prone to fatty liver disease (feline hepatic lipidosis), which is very serious and often fatal. If the cat hasn’t eaten in a few days or if it’s a fat cat losing weight too quickly, their liver can get overwhelmed with fat and shut down, sending the cat into fatal liver failure.

It’s actually much safer for both the cats and the local wildlife if cats are kept inside, and cats can live perfectly healthy and much longer lives if they are kept inside. Not only is the risk of a cat being injured or killed very high if they are outside (I see a dead cat that’s been run over almost weekly in my…

Wayne did.

I just don’t understand why scientists try to continue to interfere with God’s plan for Charlie.

Cool Whip is fucking disgusting.

Alex Kingston did a better Indiana Jones as River Song

Don’t forget cannibalism can improve the flute section of an orchestra.

“Oh really?”

Trying to think of a context in which “do you know who I am?” would be appropriate and I’m hard pressed. Maybe when your spouse just wakes up from a ten year coma?

Is that you in the picture? I don’t want to offend; it’s just that.... well, the sleeveless sweatshirt is very methadone chic. You look like you just got out of the pain clinic and are ready to sling some oxies.