Woah! I’ve got one of those things - I always thought it was just a crappy homemade paperweight.

I mean, there's no smartest way I ever got hurt...

My skin's deal is that it hates everything to varying degrees. The only time it has been flawless was when I was on Accutane. Tazorac keeps my face from being a complete disaster, but most other acne creams burn the shit out it. True story: Differin turned me an alarming shade of magenta for several days.

Ha, no need to be sorry. I think I'm emotionally scarred from a prolonged ugly duckling phase in adolescence. My skin really isn't terrible anymore - yay Accutane! I think at this point its something that basically I just notice, and nobody else really does.

I did a course of Accutane, which is a freaking miracle. My acne is far less severe now, though still present, which is a pain in the ass. I'd love to get the crap lazered out of my skin at some point to reduce my scarring, but I need to get rid of the lingering ickiness first.

My mom is a makeup artist. One with fantastic skin and dark coloring. I am pale with angry, angry skin. When she does my makeup/gives me suggestions, I end up looking like an inexperienced drag queen.

Oooof. Owner of some REALLY bad skin here. And I completely worry that it makes me unattractive. On the other hand, I'm too lazy to do my makeup on the regular, and I feel like it just highlights how awful my skin is.

I just realized that my bf's and my hypothetical future spawn could totally come out looking like Benedict Cumberbatch. He's got the eyes, nose, and hair, I've got the cheekbones and mouth. This does nothing to abate my current baby-fever.

Oh boy. I'm getting my meds changed tomorrow. The switch from Effexor to Cymbalta was hellish enough - who knows what I'm in for this time. And antidepressants are definitely not the expedient way to get high. Although I did have an interesting Zoloft trip this one time, if watching Pink Floyd's The Wall while…

I babysit for a couple of little girls, and playing with their newer AG dolls has been such a rude awakening. Some of the doll dresses felt almost plastic-y, and the shoes were flimsy. Not to mention the hair. Maybe I was especially gentle, but my 15 year old doll's hair is in far better condition than their dolls'…

I work as a nanny. Most of the kids I babysit for are toddler age boys, but recently I started sitting regularly for a family with two school age girls (and two infant/toddler boys). I get to play with *DOLLS*!!! They have four AG dolls between them, looking a bit worse for wear. So this past week I dug out my old…

My miniature poodle, purebred and bought from a breeder for an obscene amount of money, could really not care less about what I want. We all exist mainly to serve her. My Catahoula rescue mix, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to make people happy. Unfortunately he is about as smart as a box of rocks. If…

I had a gordon setter for nearly 16 years! Is your dog a "talker"? Really though, my family had no business buying a hunting breed. Cocoa was batshit insane until the age of seven or so.

My poodle skirt and my poodle, who unfortunately becomes catatonic (dare I say, dog-atonic) when in costume.

I have a silver mini-poodle too! But mine won't wear costumes. She sort of just slumps on the ground and lays there without moving.

I had such a crush on Michael Vartan in middle school. One of my friends made me a birthday card with our pictures together in a heart. My grandma saw it and asked if he was my boyfriend. No grandma, 13-year-old me is not dating a hot, stubbly 30-something.

Chris Evans is totally hot. But my somewhat un-hot and scrawny ex looks frighteningly similar to him. So he makes me feel confused in my pants.

My family was broke when I was a kid, so I didn't have much in the way of toys. I think I had three barbies, a one legged ken, and a skipper. I remember playing with them only twice. Once staging an elaborate funeral for ken, whose leg wound was fatal, and trying to put barbie's clothes on skipper. Outfits weren't…

You need to google ASMR, my friend.

My little brother is three years younger and people would ask if we were twins! It irritated the frak out of me. We did look alike though, as if that determines whether or not children are twins. Then puberty hit and we diverged.