for real - when’s the last time a self-help guru worked pro bono

you are a DICK, kareem!

the only way hillary wins the ‘rust belt’ is if she paired it with a fabulous mustard yellow pant suit. 

if he were one of the seven dwarfs he’d be mopee

that’s like buying your wife a vacuum for xmas

charles barkley is all good with the no shoes...when he gets weighed.

maybe throw a comma in there, or a tampon...

this is an amazing piece but holy shit this a great line:

the large bet: 1 oz. lichens

nerd

so much flannel 

OMAHA!

what’s the stakes what’s the stack

you need cloud insurance

this might sound like an asshole question but why didn’t he get flagged for removing his helmet?

you can’t spell horrible without HR

please tell me this is for real, because HOLY SHIT

they should probably start the layoffs with their fucking HR department, because they sound hideous. 

PREMATURE EJACULATION IS NOT FUMBLING!!

he only did it because adam lowry’s stupid mom forgot to bring the orange slices....AGAIN