In the past month, I’ve been invited to four Norwex parties. Norwex is the new 31. Oddly enough, there are now jean parties as well. Yes, pants! Pants and fake eyelash parties. The latest party business is essential oils. Now, most parties offer at least one item at a $20 price point. The oils package starts at $150.…

Seriously! She needs to get over herself. It’s like she never developed into an adult. The drugs stunted her growth. She’s middle-aged with the personality of a tween.

Fly through Detroit!

Wut? David? I have a total crush on David. Ever since he told someone how common it is for Canadian Italians to have a second kitchen in the basement, I’ve wanted to know more…How does he know so much about Italians in Canada? Does he have a second kitchen? Hmmm!

Our reception venue decided to asphalt the parking lot the morning of our wedding. I stepped out of the car and into black tar. The whole bottom of my dress was black and goopy. I was too drunk to care. I bustled it up and kept on dancing.

No Paulette?

*

Hold up—I almost stopped reading when you called Lake Michigan the "toilet of the Midwest."

There is NOTHING BETTER than diving into the salt-free cool water of the Greatest of the Great Lakes. It's like a baptism, a full-on spiritual renewal.

I will wear an "ignorant assclown" shirt straight to the market and right to the organic aisle—laughing as I push my cart. I don't want my apples dipped in wax or my celery sprayed with fungicide. I know the wax makes the apples firmer, but I don't care. I'd rather have pesticide-free peels than a waxy firm Gala.

And…

CAN, my friend! Find your local extension office, and have them hook you up with the scoop on canning. Embrace the pressure cooker!

I think the world is ready for polka-fusion.

I have two regrets in my life, and living together before marriage was one of them. It's hard, and #1 annoying thing + #2 annoying thing +#3 annoying thing can lead one to think, "Enough. I can't take it anymore. I'm outta here." Small things can become relationship enders/deal breakers.

When you are married, you…

See also, referring to female college students as "co-eds." Gross.

Fuck yes! He nailed it. This scene was EPIC!

YES! Thank you! This perpetuates the idea that men are incapable of doing laundry or dishes or cleaning the bathroom, and thus those tasks remain relegated to being "women's work."

Affluenza!

I'm actually angry that I clicked through to this. My click added to your numbers, and thus your rationale for posting the video. Pure sleaze. Shame on you.

Oddly enough, I never got the advice to rinse the heck out of the bath toys. That would have been helpful.

Yep, $0, with $5k going out to pay for that deductible. Deliveries are expensive! Not done yet, don't forget that you now have to pay "facility fees" in addition to the medical fees.

Yeah, "only 29 crewmen." That's "pretty minor."
Hmmm…There were 3 people infected with Ebola in the US, and there was a massive media shitstorm around it. I prefer to think that the deaths of 29 (brave!) crewmen is a "pretty big deal."