You think that's nice, Elvis Andrus gave away the entire game.

Makes sense. He probably learned a ton about cleaning up messes so that nobody ever sees them during his time in college.

It looks like Jerry Jones was right. Hardy really did add an extra dementia to this team.

Before anyone breaks out the old “if only they had guns” trope, let me remind you: Texas is a stupidly shaped cesspool that should be punted into the sun.

Colts’ QB Matt Hassebleck was in emergency room until 2 am TUESDAY, dealing with virus he’s still feeling. From hospital to start.

Congressman #1: “There’s this great game I’m involved in where the players put down some money, and if you pick the right guys who perform for you, you can win back your investment, like, a thousand times over! Millions! Except if you want to win the big bucks, you need to deposit a lot of money. And everyone seems to…

To be fair, I don’t want anyone with titties calling baseball games for me either, which is why I’m thrilled that Curt Schilling is still suspended.

Great, like we need another endless week of Manziel and some talking heads.

It certainly does look suspicious. Usually when Manziel catches fire at home, the Browns are there to immediately throw cold water on it.

“Paul! What happened to your house??!”

Sabathia: [hiccups] Hey man, better help me finish this drink. It looks like they just took the tarp off the field.

Bud Abbott: What’s CC drinking?

Pretty sure Bin Laden destroyed baseball by introducing “God Bless America” into the 7th inning stretch.

First they came for the Expos, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not from Montreal.

ASU SORORITY GIRL: Okay, girls! Say “Cheese!” on three!

I think it’s a bit unfair for Congress to call out the whole NFL when teams like the Raiders and Jaguars receive no contributions from defense.

He should have spent more time on the elliptical.

Eliminating the fear that you will be murdered to death by an F-150 or Range Rover