Yeah, but he’ll never win. All his opponents will have to do is bring up that video of hum screwing up the plan to stop Thanos and... bam... there goes half his support.

Well, if the Ezekiel bread was totally biblical, it would have been baked using human feces.

You lost me at “you pour your cereal into it [the milk.]”

Damn, I really miss being able to mow though boxes of sugar disguised as cereal! But then again, after a close miss with getting the ‘beetus, I don’t think I’d miss jabbing myself with a needle either...

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

I heard they were considering touring with Elvis Costello but had yet to decide who was going to headline and who was going to open.

“No fatties, right guys?”

Purple prose for: “Any bigger than a size 2 and my boner gets sad.”

With Kaley, I guess it could be any one of the 27 guys she’s gotten engaged to after only a few weeks of dating.

Good idea. Then maybe actresses and etc... will stop working with fucking pedophiles and rapists on the chance that they might get a nomination.

These days every lifehacker article is a dumb article. I’m struggling to remember the last time I saw a piece of advice on here that genuinely even qualified as a life hack. Even if you drop that requirement, the advice they give is evenly split between objectively wrong and so fucking vapid that the most basic bitch…

Those characters from the Dr. Seuss books have fallen on hard times. Glad to see that one of them found a paying gig after all these years.

If Yoda can just show up and make lightning bolts, why doesn’t he appear on the bad guy ship and lightning bolt that fucker?

If he really thinks that people tuned in to Today to watch Baldy McGroper give shitty interviews, then he should start his own daily video podcast. Go start a patreon and watch that sweet cash roll in! I’m sure it will dwarf the $25 mil he was getting!

She had to cancel a planned event in Wisconsin when the Pulse nightclub shooting happened.

So in 10-20 years she becomes a beloved voice actor who creates a voice signature so world renowed it’s known by all people and sees a massive career resurgence?

They could’ve shown only Hulk’s scenes on Asgard in the trailer. Don’t hide the fact that you have him in the film, hide what it is that you have him doing. Many people would’ve seen through that ruse and there would’ve been speculation about a Thor vs. Hulk matchup, but it would still have remained a surprise for…

Don’t they know that the proper way to conduct Halloween as an adult is to wait until your kid goes to bed and then steal all of their good candy for yourself?

insiders are blaming that on Kelly’s “weak lead-in.”

HERE LIES HUGH HEFNER