I want Falcontoddler to be successful in her life. So, we read a ton of books together, we sing songs, we go to story time at the library, we have a membership to the town's children's museum, we go for walks and I label things for her as we go, we talk about numbers and letters, she has tons of stimulating toys, I…

Okay, I have some questions:

At a certain point, I start to feel like we should pull the wealthy aside and be like, "You know they're trolling you, right?" I mean, I almost feel sorry for them (almost).

Yeah, I've got to say I'm Team Jon on this one. It's really hard to argue that some guy who used to be on TV living in a cabin is newsworthy in, really, any sense of the word, so this just seems like harassment. And it's not like he fired at her, even by her own account. I don't endorse firing bullets willy-nilly,…

Showgirls was rated NC-17, as was the more recent Shame. Those were the only two I could think of off the top of my head.

Mother? No. Mother-in-law? Yes and I wanted to die the whole time.

Holy crap, that was erotic.

Forwarding this to Falconboy as an example of how being a good dad is done.

I don't know how much of a lock Christie is on the nomination. It depends on how much Republicans actually want to win in 2016. If they prefer absolute "conservative" purity to a winable candidate, there's no way Christie wins. After all, he said nice things about Obama. And that's if he even decides to run. He…

Well, at least we know he has something to fall back on if a career in philosophy doesn't pan out.

Basically, the message is that if you're in a situation where you feel threatened in Florida, don't fire a warning shot. Shoot to kill. Sounds reasonable, right?

Yeah, that one doesn't really seem like a bad thing to me.

Patricia Michaels.

Oh, gawd, the princesses. Every racist fuckface I know claims to be descended from some Native American princess. Ugh.

Falconbaby pitched a fit for the first four months of her life if I tried to put her on her stomach, so I did the same thing for supervised naps. And today she has a lovely round head (I think. It's covered by a whole lot of hair now).

If they have kids, they are going to have some beeeeeeeeauuuuuutiful babies. Congrats to the newlyweds.

Whoa. I could tell you some fucked up stories about my mother-in-law, but that one pretty much takes the cake. Yikes!

All the best weddings I've been to—the ones where the food was the most enjoyable, the dancing the best, and the vibe off the hook—were all backyard weddings. My (fairly cheap) hotel wedding (that my shitty cousins complained about because it wasn't sit down with waiter service) was pretty good, but if I had it to do…

And that is what makes it so clear that these people don't actually give a good goddamn about abortions. If they did, they would be examining the research for how to make sure that abortions don't happen. Birth control. Education. Higher wages for people with less income or tax breaks to make up for income…

Is it terrible that there's a part of me that is looking forward to seeing the Republican nomination fight shake out? In the same way that I look forward to getting a glimpse of the monster in a horror movie, I am looking forward to this.