I always knew there would come a day when my alma mater would attract the attention of Deadspin. I just hoped I would be dead first.

Okay, who let Rick Santorum design the jerseys?

Be sure to include the update about two hours from now.

Good lord I think I just got a contact butthurt from the comments section.

What has two thumbs and hates Jaws? THIS GUY!

It strikes me that #Meatspin would almost certainly be a Deadspin tag, if not for...well.

...why is that a given? My car doesn't have the ability to throw rocks at a house. Just because we, as a race, possess the technology doesn't mean the ship has it.

Maybe. But Kraft orchestrated the event, and plenty of other players were there, including veterans like Matt Light. Everyone handles disappointment differently, and if a few of them needed to blow off steam, I'm not going to hold it against them. Not everyone handles disappointment in silent solitude.

The guy's blowing off steam, probably still running on adrenaline and painkillers. Tough to blame him. Does anyone really think that Gronkowski didn't give it his all during the game because he was saving his ankle for the afterparty?

Ah, the spork. Bill Belichick's favorite utensil. Versatile enough to fill multiple roles while excelling at none of them.

That cuts deep.

Let's give the lady her due: She's a Hooters HALL OF FAMER. [halloffame.hooters.com]

Definition of a Masshole? Yes.

If we could just get Black Tim Tebow and White Michael Vick to hook up, we'd be set.

Sick as we ALL are of Favre, the Bears play Green Bay on Christmas. Favre fucks up Green Bay's perfect season on Christmas? QUASI-TEBOW-ESQUE IN ITS STORYBOOKNESS!

All I can say is, game aside, thanks for getting this song stuck in my head for the last 12 hours.

FACT: George Lucas taught me that a neck is not mandatory for strangulation.

"With each self-righteous message I read..."

I guess this sheds light on the Tom Brady DickCam mystery.

Originally I misread and thought the question was "Would you rather suck your dad's dick until he came or have HIM be paralyzed from the neck down?" And I have to say, the question suddenly becomes much more of a challenge.