I will come to your every performance.

In that case, I would find the guy who made the lottery legal in 1964 and see if his descendants are studying quantum physics!

Because this is the internet, I am going to make this be about cats. I used to have a white board on the fridge where people wrote down whatever books, movies, or records they borrowed. One day I saw "Boris Goes North" in my boyfriend's handwriting. Two days later, it had been replaced by "Return of the Boris" by my…

A typical breakfast:

neolithic spam, neolithic spam, neolithic spam, wild boar bacon, eggs, neolithic spam

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."

One thing the director of a film should always ask themselves is "Has this already been the premise of an episode of The Big Bang Theory?"

HAHAHA joke. Yeah, joke.

Futurama called it!

Until they weaponize oxytocin into a spray so I can douse all the men around me into being faithful and then hold my own Gladiator Games where they fight for my honor, this story doesn't mean much.

Hmmm...I have "Decorations: Y/N" column, but I'm not sure where to put the bikini pizazz. Gonna have to add some pivot tables to my Pube Tracker sheet, I think.

I keep trying to popularize the "Lower Mullet" but no one wants to play along.

I like to trim the entire thing, then shave a letter into the top. When my boyfriends asks why that letter, I say "Oh, it means 'Steve'—uh, I MEAN SEXY."

I really hope everyone posts their own personal pubic grooming preferences, and their reasons for this preference. I need to update my spreadsheet.

and they have three fingers instead of two

KATE THIS LOOKS LIKE AN AD FOR GETTING AN STD TEST.

Co-signed. There are worse men out there. I would fuck this man until my hip ligaments eroded.

Mine would be titled Why Are the Baby Wipes in the Bread Basket and Other Completely Baffling Organizational Choices.

My book will be about how when I reach the thousandth sock, I will murder my kids (who are the sock dumper offenders). My wife and I are only occasional sock dumpers, and we both pick up as frequently as we dump. Also, my daughter's socks are f-ing nasty. I don't know why they are hard. I swear. I wash them, but after…

Laughed hard at this. Really hard.