Thin privilege is not having to devour your friends and family just to stave off your insatiable hunger.

We'll always have Greenland.

You all know the Yule Cat
And that Cat was huge indeed.
People didn't know where he came from
Or where he went.

This is why I will teach my kid to fear the Christmas Spirit as she falls asleep the baying of what is definitely the terrible Yule Cat.

You're wrong. :)

Poor attention to detail and lack of discipline, despite actually having a competent coaching staff.

Oh god yes, that's a Yea for me.

Meanwhile, in Raleigh, when we realized we claim to 3 starting NFL QBs.

Probably in a retirement home, along with that joke. :)

...crank isn't cocaine, it's speed, specifically insufflated amphetamines

WHATTTT

And... there it is.

Cod is for quitters. As a representative of "tha South", I must insist that catfish be mandatory for any fried fish dish. Cod is like the methadone of fish. Cod is for invalids and especially boring venture capitalists.

Don't eat the schnitzel, it's schnauzer.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the enthralled cries of TO THE MOON!!! ┗(°0°)┛

Here in NC, they don't need to go before a court to perform a saliva or blood test on DUI offenders, but they'll perform a field sobriety test on just about anyone they pull over for poor driving. Unless you're black, in which case they typically just take you 'round back the squad car and shoot you.

FACT: I only sing Bill Withers in public when I'm drunk and blasted out of my mind on Percocet or some other opioid. Yes, it is always "Ain't No Sunshine". And yes, skin color aside, I look exactly like this:

That was close range too, that would explain why Stormtroopers were not just bad shots, but comically so. Blanks can fucking hurt at <10m. Especially when your dumbass friend thinks their completely harmless and point them directly at you.

What really rustled my jimmies about the RIAA's latest troll report was that they're trying to enforce a declaration of illegitimacy against bitcoin.

I'm brainstorming a story about a serial killer who murders with a Neti pot. River water, arsenic, capsaicin, lye, melted aluminum (to make a mold of your beautiful sinus cavities.